Last day of November...

Horray!
Not that I don't love to blog, but it's tedious to do it everyday.

I promised to tell you my first memory of my Grampa.
We were driving from either Peachland to Edson or vise versa, and I remember it was a long trip, and I refused to pee anywhere.
When we got to home, I jumped out of the car, grabbed my crotch and told my Grampa: "Bring the pot Poppa, bring the pot!"
I must have been about 2 or so since I was still using a potty (my mom confirms I was about 2ish), but I remember running for the door yelling for the pot.

Ahhh fun times.

Our Frame Walkthrough

Adam here,

So we got to go see the inside of our house yesterday. It's almost ready for drywall and they wanted us to verify that everything was in the right place. (It wasn't...)





Here's some pics including the front of the house with some paint on it (reminder: we're the house behind the tree).


Here's our living room and office. There's lots of extra supports up because of the weight of the drywall. The Kitchen and eating nook are around the corner to the left.


Here's our powder room and the stairs leading up.


Here's Dea in the garage with our foreman Jose.



So I tried to get a picture of every wall (I'll save you the journey) just in case I ever need to break through a wall to find a pipe/wire/whatever. They're going to move the things they put in the wrong spot and by next week it'll all be covered up for good.

Today sucks

My grandpa died 13 years ago today. I planned to write a post about my earliest and last memory of him. I don't have it in me to write it.
It's been a no good, very bad day, for a variety of reasons.
pooh, more tomorrow.

Good Luck Sue!

Today my cousin's wife Sue goes in to take her citizenship test. I'm excited for her, and I'm sure that she will do wonderfully.
When I was talking to her last night I asked about some of the questions that would be on the test and they were hard. Questions that not many Canadians would know. I find it funny that a landed immigrant who wants to be a Canadian has to know more than someone who graduated form the public school system in Canada. And for that matter what about if Adam and I decided to get dual citizenships. I'm going to have to learn a lot of stuff that will just clog my brain up.
I do feel lucky though, if I do get my citizenship here I can still be a Canadian citizen, and yet Sue has to give up her Korean citizenship. It's a little sad I think. But I do understand it, Korea is still in a war, albeit a cold war, but it's a war and I guess it's a good way for Korea to keep it's citizens loyal.
When I was in Korea I met a woman who had her son in Hawaii making him a dual citizen (Korea allows that to age 18), but she was going to leave him as an American citizen only so that he could avoid the mandatory draft when he got older. Learning that made me really thankful to be Canadian.
Anyhow, good luck Sue!

28 Weeks

Third trimester! YAY! Which means I'm in the home stretch!
Anyhow I had my OB appointment today and everything is all good and good. The doctor is happy with how much weight I've gained, or haven't depending how you look at it. The baby's heart beat is good and thumpy, she's growing at a good rate and my blood pressure is still lower than what it was while I was trying to get pregnant. SO hooray!
Tomorrow I go and see the midwife, which should be interesting. I'm still going to have a home birth, and still excited. We told the doctor today and she was really supportive, which I was happy about. I really appreciate that she trusts my decision and didn't give me, or Adam any grief or try to scare us out of it.
Tonight we're putting up the Christmas tree and Adam is busy vacuuming up a cactus he knocked over. (it was the one that was growing the best too, it's like plants are doomed in this house!) We're using the same Charlie Brown tree as last year, and I should have pictures which I may post here, but will be on my Facebook.

Epidurals or "You want to screw what into my baby's head?"

In our Bradley class today we talked about epidurals.
I was really impressed with our instructor who is very pro natural birth to condone epidurals. She explained to us that they are tools and that they can be helpful. I can understand this, and I know of some people that used them at the perfect time resulting in a great birth, perhaps if they wouldn't have used them, then they would have had a c-section. That being said I do not want one. I've always known that I don't want one, but after seeing the internal monitor that gets screwed into the scalp of your baby when you have one, pretty much sealed the no epidural deal for me.
To be clear I don't want to screw anything into my baby's scalp.

(Okay, I know it's just a little needle, and I know that hundreds of them are used a day, but what fun would it be if I didn't pull out all of the drama, because really when I looked at the little needle, it was a full sized wood screw, waiting to bore into the skull of my baby. No I'm not hormonal at all....)

Is it December yet?

No really, is it? Posting everyday is getting old, fast!
Tomorrow is the Grey Cup, which is the Super Bowl for the Canadian Football League for my American friends. Adam is thinking about going to a pub to watch it, but I don't know. BC isn't playing, so I have no interest. I am happy that Edmonton's not in it though.
Also for the record, I wouldn't mind if the baby is born during the Super Bowl, just so I don't have to watch it!

For the man who has everything...

including a built in sweater.

The Mangroomer.

Thanksgiving miscellany

So Thanksgiving yesterday was so fun! We went to Regan and Jason's for a good ol' American Thanksgiving and it was gooood, and so different from any Thanksgiving I've had before. We had yummy southern things like sweet potatoe pie, dirty rice, pecan pie, and other southern yummy things that I can't remember the name of. And also so good, which I've mentioned, but it needed to be repeated.
I learned a couple of things too, first it's not pee-can it's puhcahn, and they make good pies! Dirty rice does not have dirt in it, but yummy sausage! (okay I knew it wasn't made with dirt, but I didn't know why it was called dirty) Lily is the tiniest dog ever, just over half of the size of Chachi. And I can't forget that cranberry sauce comes in 3 flavours! (homemade, homemade with orange and cylinder shaped)
Such a good day!

Thanksgiving

Today is the American Thanksgiving, which means Adam gets an extra long weekend and we're going to a friend's for dinner and they're making a lot of distinctly American dishes. Fun!
Being the history/ anthropological geek I am I was thinking about the beginnings of Thanksgiving. We all know the story, the Pilgrims were fools and didn't plan and the local Indians helped them out, they had a great shared meal and they all loved each other. Until the next day when the Pilgrims took the land, by force and justified it by quoting bible verses. The trend continues the Indians and First Nations (depending on which country you're in to determine which term is more correct) are forced off of their lands into small, dismal reservations, forced to give up their languages and forced to practice their culture in secret. The budding governments justify this and more and more genocide happens, either with the killing of masses of non-Europeans or by forcing out their culture. And yet Thanksgiving is still celebrated. Some people hate Thanksgiving, citing some of the reasons I've stated.
I don't hate it. I hate where is came from, but now I see it more as a family holiday, like it's been colloquialized (to make up a word), like Christmas to the non-religious folk. It's a day for us to relax and reflect on our lives. I think it serves a purpose in today's busy lifestyle and I will continue to celebrate today.
But I won't recount the stupid Indian and Pilgrim story, damn puritans with their bible justified killing. sigh.

Thanksgiving.

What weight words carry. *edited*

A couple of days ago a friend sent me a forwarded email joke which I found to be distasteful. (it poked fun at a minority group) So I send her an email saying that I didn't like it. Mostly I was shocked that she would send me something like that, but in retrospect it could be seen as funny, if you're not an overly sensitive twit like I am. She replied and said that she wouldn't send me any more emails like that.
So it made me think of what words can really do and how much weight they actually carry. I think back to the whole kerfuffle with Don Imus earlier this year, and how I felt that it was justified that he lose his job for making a distasteful remark. However after the dust had settled I heard another point of view of a comedian who says that words are words, they don't have to hurt you, and to my shock I agreed with this comedian. Words are words, they're not little floaty things wielding a bat to physically hit you, they don't have to hurt you.
However the uber PC side of me argues that words can carry weight and can foster larger issues, such as hate and bigotry. I remember when I was 10 my mom and I were walking into a store behind a husband and wife of another culture and my mom made a horribly racist comment accompanied by a rude gesture, and as a ten year old I didn't think much of it. I had no idea that what she had done was morally wrong; I remember feeling that I shouldn't laugh, that they are who they are, but I didn't pursue the issue, I was 10. Now when I think back I see that those words were weighted, heavily, I was an impressionable child and at that point I could have learned hate. (now this isn't to say my mother is hate filled, she believes what she does and I'm not going to discuss it now) I also think of my father growing up and some of the racial slurs he would unleash in my and my brother's presence. For some reason none of that bigotry stuck with me, but it did to my brother, and he still uses some of those slurs in his everyday language. He learned it as a child, and now he uses those words without thought, not always in malice but they do have negative connotations. Should they be viewed as hurtful? It's not like my dad taught him to seek out people of a different ethnicity and beat them with a tire iron.
That is my conundrum, if words and slurs are part of your vernacular are they hurtful? Are we as a culture sometimes overly sensitive to words, are we giving too much power to them? Shouldn't we give them no thought like we were taught to do with the school yard bully? To expand on the question, at what point do we stop and let a word be a word? For example the politically correct term is little person, it used to be dwarf, and before that midget, now short stature is becoming more acceptable. When does it end, or really how do we keep up with what is acceptable? What about retarded? That used to be a perfectly acceptable term and now it's not, we must use developmentally challenged.
Now I do understand that context can carry a message, making the words weightier, but still they are not wielding a bat; sticks and stones, right? So here I am, torn, I have always believed that we should always honour what someone or some culture prefers, however sometimes it's a full time job to keep up with what's acceptable and what's not. Personally I will always choose to keep up with what is correct and what isn't, and if I make a mistake I will apologize, and I'll teach my children the same. But to what extent? Where's the line in the sand? Am I short, or am I vertically challenged? Should the line only go as far as to protect ethnicities and cultures? What if I'm truly offended by being called short?
What do you think?


Edited, check this out. It is an example of being overly PC in my books.

Christmas (wish) List, part one.

I'm going to make this part one, because I know there's more. So this isn't so much to say as I want all of these, but more, my wish list. The real reason for it? To help Adam. He needs help. And since I love him so, I will help him

1. The Ex, in chrome. I need a knife block, this is perfect.
2. An enamel dutch oven. I make soup at least once a week, and a sauce just as frequently and I have coveted a dutch oven for so long. Also I adore cooking with cast iron, it distributes heat so beautifully. I would prefer it to be in blue, but frankly I will take any colour.
3. A Kitchenaid mixer. They're so wonderful. I want blue, chrome or pink. They're so wonderful just looking at one makes me happy.
4. Denby tableware. It's the colour that our friends gave us for the wedding and I love it. Imperial blue. I love how they know me so well!

I think this will suffice for what I wish for in the kitchen, there is more, but these top my list, today.

I want to do this!

And then I'll microwave some CDs too!

Apples!

Before I was pregnant I would get the most killer heartburn ever! I would often wake up in agonizing pain, chew/ choke on 4-5 tums to get it under control and go back to sleep. This went on forever. (I think it was related to all of the strange hormones I had in me.) After I got pregnant and my hormones lessened, yes lessened, the heartburn subsided and I was so happy. I was able to sleep for a whole night, with NO PAIN! Joy of joys!
Then I entered the second trimester, and oh the heart burn came back, slowly, then it was all out vicious again. I was back to my multi tums, multi times a night habit. By now I had perfected my tums chewing skills where I would barely taste them and swallow them without too much gagging. Then I learned that apples can help with heartburn. Plain ol' apples. So I tried, I ate one before I went to bed, and I 'slept' through the night without heartburn! (I quote slept because when you pee every hour and can't get comfy, sleeping is a joke.) But no heart burn. I have been heartburnless for nearly 2 weeks, just by eating apples.
I am amazed!
Really and truly. And my heartburn was so bad I would almost throw up from it.
I've never been a fan of apples, I guess growing up in an area where there is an apple orchard every block could do that, but now here I am loving the apple.
It's truly amazing!

Sometimes Facebook creeps me out.

I like Facebook for the ability for me to keep in touch with all of my friends at home in a really easy manner. I like it because I've been able to reconnect with some old friends from high school. Sometimes it's fun to run across your ex's profile and see that's he's not aged so well, then you can gloat a little. And sometimes I get really creeped out when skeletons from childhood friends past emerge and leave me messages, all shocked that I'm married and grown up.
I send back nice messages that, YAY California is wonderful, I have an amazing husband, yadda yadda. But what I really want to say is "Dude I'm 30, so my being married isn't that weird! And also there's a reason I don't have my maiden name on there!" But I don't instead I end up friending them, and they languish on my friend list, and we never converse again.
Sometimes Facebook is so weird.
But it's a great place to put Chachi pictures! AND SCRABBLE! I haven't mentioned the scrabble. I loves the scrabble so!

Chachi vs Ice Cream

Last night Adam brought home pumpkin pie, so we had a yummy treat. We had some ice cream in the freezer and finished it off with the pie, and poor Chachi was giving me such puppy dog eyes that I HAD to.

He pushed the ice cream container all over the kitchen and into the living room. Then when we pulled it off of his head he was so slimy, so he had an impromptu puppy baby wipe bath. Then he was less than amused, but with a belly full of ice cream he allowed it.

Baby Update.

I haven't talked about the baby in a while so I thought I should mention some of the new developments.
This week she's about the length of a cucumber according to Baby Centre. She's close to 2 pounds, starting to gain lots of weight and beginning some serious brain development.
To facilitate all of this I've been eating a lot more protein than I've ever eaten before and taking the cod liver oil to help her little brain grow. I've noticed that since I've really increased my protein intake she's become a lot more active. I've said before that she was very active and she was, then she settled down, still giving me a jab every couple hours, but lately she's been jabbing me every couple minutes.
When asked before I would describe the jabs as feeling like gas bubbles, but lately they feel more like my stomach is rolling, like it does right before you throw up. I guess she's higher up, but I still feel most of the pokes low. I do know that my placenta is high on the front and on the top, so that would be why I can't feel her up there.
I have been having lots of Braxton Hicks contractions. They don't hurt at all, but some are quite intense and it takes my breath away. On the topic of breath, I can feel that my lung capacity is about half. I find it disturbing, like I've become very unfit. It's a little demoralizing, but I know it's temporary.
Physically I look pregnant, but no cute little basketball bellies here. I feel like a weeble, or even a barrel with legs. I can only wear whole panel maternity pants, since the half panel ones cut into me. I am even growing out of all of my yoga style pants, which is really upsetting because that means I have a rotation of 3 pair of pants, which includes one pair of jeans. I'm leery to go and buy a lot of clothes since I'll only need them for a couple more months, but I do need more.
I think I'm lucky that I haven't been plagued by the mask of pregnancy that some woman get. Since I am so fair I don't have enough melanin to make the mask, so hooray! The skin on my face is much the way it's always been, but the skin on my chest and shoulders is that of a teenager, and it's disturbing. I'm hoping that this too shall pass.
I know that there have been requests for pictures, but I just don't feel like taking one. Sorry.
Eating is still a challenge, I haven't gotten my appetite back from the first trimester, although I don't have aversions, I just don't want to eat. Most days I have to force feed myself since thinking about food is revolting. Especially meat and protein stuff, I wish I could live on fruit, since it's all that I generally want. But I would rather choke down protein than get pre-eclampsia.
I still can't get comfortable when I sleep and the maternity pillow doesn't help since I don't use it. Our bed just isn't big enough for me, Adam, a cat and dog and a large person sized pillow. I'm learning how to sleep on my back, and I've noticed that I often wake on my stomach, I guess everything just shifts back.
So that's about it. I officially can't wait for the middle of February, but I think I might enjoy this trimester more since there is more interaction with the baby.

Fun with English Grammar

Today as Adam and I went for a walk we were returning 2 DVDs from Netflix. So I wondered: "Are they Netflixes, or Netfly?"
Adam says Netfly, I say Netflixes on account of Netflix being a proper noun?
What do you think?

Trust

Hi Everyone, it's Tweedledum here...

So as most of you know I just started a new job a Google a few weeks ago. So far it's going great. It's a very different place to work.

My manager has over 60 direct reports. It takes most of his time just to meet each of us once every 3 weeks for 30 minute one on ones. Clearly he's not running the dozen projects his team works on.

Instead it's up to the engineers to determine what's best. My team is in charge of some of the infrastructure in the Search Engine. It's up to me and the other 4 guys in my office to decide which features go in, when we ship, and who will work on what. Other teams come to us with feature requests, and we discuss with them when/if we can help them. There's never any "my-boss-tells-your-boss-to-help-me" crap. If it's really important then we'll agree to do it. If it's not important then no one should be working on it.

It's as if the company trusts the engineers to make the right decision :)

So between that and the free gourmet food, I'm having a great time.

Date a Geek.

A while ago I found Kyle Brandt's blog. So for those of you not in the know, he was on Days as Philip, then he left and now they have this baby faced Philip who isn't nearly as hot. Anyhow that's not why I read his blog, I read it because the man is witty! With good grammar! And he knows good beer! There you have it folks all of the makings of a great website.
I digress.
His recent submission is an addition to his Hate List, which made me wonder if he's been subjected to a bad date recently, since we all know he's single.
So to Mr. Brandt I say, date a geek.
Whenever someone comments to me about the troubles they are having being single, as they longingly look at my diamond, or wonder aloud how I was married before them, I tell them: "date a geek."
Really people, geeks are like an undiscovered gold mine. They try harder, they know when they have something good and they work hard to keep it.
Adam is, by far, the geekiest guy I've ever been with, and yet he was the best boyfriend ever, so much so I married him, and am carrying his child! I am fully convinced that I'm on to something here with my geek talk, I'll expand.... Before Adam I had dated a plethora of guys. A smattering of types, if you will. And while the big burly football guy was all hunka hunka, the guy was an ass, and that really makes the appeal of the hunka hunka diminish. Then I met Adam, and realized that he embodied everything that I value in a significant other, and he's cute, and I became a geek convert. So to all of my single friends and such I say date a geek, you won't be sorry!

YAY A Meme

So Cecily at Uppercase Woman tagged all of her readers in this meme.
List 7 weird or obscure facts about you.
1. I played rugby for a good long time. (I think 11 seasons pretty much back to back). Now most people who know me in person know this, but people that learn it are always shocked. It always amuses me to see the shock.
2. I love grapes, but I hate anything grape flavoured.
3. I've been to Tokyo Disneyland, but I've never been to a Disney amusement park on this continent.
4. I love Vegemite.
5. I generally find black pepper too spicy, and yet I love kimchi and other spicy asian dishes.
6. I didn't get my drivers licence until I was 18. I failed my first learners test and then passed the next 2 with a perfect score.
7. Before I got Chachi I thought chihuahuas were funny looking. Now I think they are adorable, with the most adorable one being Chachi.

So I'll tag anyone who needs blog fodder. Have fun!

Remembrance Day

Today is Remembrance Day or Veterans Day for my American pals who are confused when I call it Remembrance Day. As you know I an a little passionate about the importance of today. You know a lot of it can be attributed to my Grampa.
I thought that this year I would discuss another aspect of today that haunts me a little. When I was younger today was so important, almost holy to my family. At a young age I had a full understanding what November 11th meant and it's importance. However my understanding was really based around the veterans from World War 1 and especially World War 2 (where my Grampa was in the army as a medic in the trenches in France). I understand now, especially with the current war, that the focus has been shifted to another generation. While I comprehend this and understand that the current young men need all the support they can get, I implore all of my readers, friends and family to still save a little piece of space in your heart and remember the vets of WW1 and WW2.
Without being overly political I truly believe that the importance of those 2 wars really shaped our countries (Canada and USA) more than any other war. Men like my Grampa fought hard and long to protect us, and I feel that we need to honour them properly.
To be fair we should still remember the other veterans from the other wars, but those vets still number among us and can remind us, but the numbers of them from WW1 and 2 are so small that we have to take it upon ourselves to remember for them, and to teach our children about them too.
So I hope you all took a moment at 11am to remember them, if not, take that moment now.
thank you.

I approve!

I saw this over at Mighty Girl. She also has a couple shopping sites, Mighty Goods and Mighty Junior. I really love these.

And that will conclude my homage to Mighty Girl and my link heavy post.

Blarg

Posting every day has become really difficult. DOH!
I don't have much to say.
I've decided eating 100 grams of protein a day is exceedingly hard, although when I am close I seem to eat less chocolate. I attribute it to lack of stomach space!
This week I was going to go to LA with Adam's mom and aunt to watch the Ellen show, but couldn't go, midwives yadda yadda. Anyhow they all got prizes, a new X-Box 360 with Guitar Hero. DOH! again. We already have an X-Box, but not Guitar Hero. Oh well. Such is life eh?

Sorry for the lame post I have some ideas for other ones but they require some computer stuff that I suck at.
Also I'll get Adam to do some guest posts, just to spice it up a little.

Have a good night!

Tasty?

Every night before I go to bed I take 1 tablespoon of cod liver oil and then 3 tablespoons of molasses (to boost my iron levels). I wonder what it would be like to mix it all in a cup and drink it down?

99 days

Holy moly. I have 99 days left of my pregnancy if you count Feb. 16 as my due date. (which is according to the last ultrasounds)
So I thought a sing a long would be fun.

99 days of this pregnancy to go.
99 days left to go.
Finish today and move on again,
98 days of this pregnancy left to go.

However since most first pregnancies last until the 41st week, this song doesn't work. Sigh, but "99 days until my estimated due date" just doesn't have the same ring to it.

Speaking of due dates, Feb. 16th is Adam's mom's birthday, and Feb. 9th is his Aunt's, so I commented that with Valentines Day this poor baby has a mine field to avoid so that she can have her own day. Anyhow apparently I might have hurt some feelings with this comment. I didn't mean to, but I don't think it's wrong that I hope she is born on her own day, not Valentines Day (which would be the worst) and so that she can have her own birthday.
But that's just classic me over thinking and putting my foot in my mouth.

UGH

Today is an ugh kinda day. Adam and I had to get up at the horrible ungodly hour of 8am. Which I know will have some people rolling their eyes, I roll them too, when I read that. But I wake every hour to pee, and don't go back to sleep quickly, so 8am is hell! Oi. How did I ever hold down a normal job?
I have no clue.
So anyhow today was an early day because we were interviewing a slew of midwives. Up until today we'd interviewed one, and she was nice, eccentric and I would have been fine with her, but I really want someone I just click with. Today I found that clicky person, and so did Adam, but it's not the same person. However Adam's person is my second choice.
Adam and I do agree though, that we do not want a midwife who will wave incense around me and chant hippy stuff. I'd be liable to drown her in the birthing tub, then labour around her floating corpse. (that's a horrible image....) Okay I promise I won't drown my midwife, but we don't want any crystals being brought into the whole birth experience. I want someone like me, who's a lot of no nonsense and will tell me, straight up, what I need to know. (I'm not saying that I'm no nonsense.... I'm sure I have lots of nonsense....) So it's a hard choice. We'll see what happens.
There was lots of talk of doulas, and we're on the fence. Adam's convinced that he can do it without one, but I worry that it will be a lot of work for him to support me all by himself. Having family step in isn't an option at all for me since our family is in Canada and I wouldn't feel comfortable with any family flitting around me during my birth (or really for the first week after she's born). We might consider a student doula since we don't need an advocate in a hospital since we're not going to one, and if we do have to be transferred the midwife would step into the position as doula at the hospital. In any case it's another decision.
I do wish this was all cut and dry. It's unfortunate that pregnancy and birth is so medicalized now and that we don't have access to more natural births in our lives. What I'm trying to say is that if both Adam and I had seen several births in our lives this would be a cut and dry decision for us, we would have a lot more of an idea of what we want. However we're not privy to that in our culture and I'm going on my gut instincts that this is what I need and Adam has to rely on that too, even though his gut isn't quite there yet. (although he's making strides and is still the only person who's allowed to have doubts)
In any case we're going ahead with it. And in 12-17 weeks I should have a lovely birth story for you, ending with me birthing at home or being transferred to a hospital, but still happy that I tried it my way. I guess really all that matters is that I'm comfortable (with my birth choice), which is totally selfish, but I feel that my comfort level directly impacts my baby, and I truly believe that this is the best choice for her.
Golly I can't wait to show everyone pictures of her.
I bet she's going to be 6ish pounds and a cue ball! I can't wait to see what colour her eyes will be (when the pigment comes in) or if she will have my nail beds or Adam's.
We shall soon see.

Bulleted Tuesday

Yes, I'm lazy. You'll get over it.

• yesterday my post would not publish, it drove me mad. Finally today I came up with the magical mix of curse words and pleading and, yay posting.
• I've started the Brewers Diet, so that means I need to eat a lot. It's shockingly hard. Here is what I am supposed to eat in a day. 4 glasses of milk, 2 eggs, 2 servings something meaty (fish, seafood, liver, chicken, lean beef, lamb, pork, beans or cheese), 2 servings of fresh leafy greens, 4 or more slices of whole grain bread, a piece of citrus fruit, 3 pats of butter, other fruits and veggies. In a week I must also include: a serving of whole grain cereal, a yellow or orange coloured fruit or veggie, liver, 3 whole baked potatoes, lots of water, salt to taste. So in a day I need to eat 80-100 grams of protein, which is a lot! Since my stomach is smaller I feel like all I do is eat to keep up with what I have to eat. It's crazy! But this diet can help prevent pre-eclampsia and low birth weight babies. I'm all for that! My one complaint besides needing to eat so much is I have no room for Halloween candy. sigh.
• Bonsai is seriously on my last nerve. I fantasize about putting him in the shower and turning it on to make him shut the hell up. Then I realize that I'm not that mean.
• Today Adam rode his bike to work, I begged him to "not get dead". I have a fear of being a single parent.
• We're set to go to the Google Christmas party, that means I get to buy a new dress and shoes to match. I'm excited.
• Tomorrow we have appointments with 3 midwives. I have no idea how I will pick one.
• We've decided to have a home birth. (I don't want anything but well wishes please, especially on this, I'm a little weary of concerns of anybody's except Adam's.)
• hey I think that's it. I'll add more if I can think of more.

bittersweet day.

I really like November, for the most part. It is the start of the Christmas season, and I love Christmas, but only in November, then I get really exhausted by it and wish it would go away. It's also the month that I met Adam, which you know is huge. It has Remembrance Day, which is important to me and while it has a sadder meaning I look forward to it, to remember my Grandpa and remember all that he taught me. (more on that later, and check out what I wrote last Nov. 11)
And today! I love today. It was my Grannie's birthday, and she was the most amazing woman ever! Today was also my grandparent's wedding anniversary, so it was a doubly happy day for me growing up. There was always cake and celebrations. However the bittersweet is that they are both gone now, and I miss them so much. I still dream of them like I had just seen them yesterday, but Grampa's been gone since 1994 and Grannie since 2001. They were, without a doubt, the most influential people in my life.
My Grampa taught me to ride a bike, to weed a garden and make strawberries grow. He taught me how to wield a hammer and to mow lawns. He did everything a father should have done, but with his Grampa charm. He would drive me around my paper route when I was tired, he would pick me up from school when I was sick. He was amazing, I miss him so much. I can't really remember the tones of his voice, and I'm struggling to remember how he smelled (fresh garden soil and bounce), but he was amazing.
And my Grannie. On the level of amazing people I rank her above everyone else in the whole world. She was my everything. I chose to stay in Kelowna and go to a very small university so I could be near her. After my Grampa died I was the (only) one who volunteered to live with her to take care of her because she was too ill to be alone. (I was 17 and still in high school) It wasn't a sacrifice for me, I was at their house all of the time anyhow, living there just formalized it.
Growing up she taught me to bake and to cook. She's responsible for my creativity and love of crafting and making anything I can. I really think that she nurtured so much good into me and helped me to break a cycle that was being set. She encouraged me to go to University and was so happy when I was accepted to a school, even though they rarely didn't accept anyone. She had so much faith in me, she helped me to be confident.
A little while after my Grampa died, Grannie was put into a home, she was just too sick for the home nurses and needed more care. She was so brave about it. I never saw her upset by the choices made by others. While in the home I visited her nearly everyday. The staff asked me once how I got there, and didn't believe me when I told them that I drove. They asked about my school and I told them I came between classes or after I was done. Then they revealed that they thought I was 13, I was 20 at the time. And while this whole exchange was happening my Grannie was so happy, so proud. We would often go to the main hall to have tea, I hated seeing the envy on the other resident's faces, but I did love to see the happiness on my Grannie.
She was in the home for a couple years. I spent 2 Christmases in there with her. The last one (that I was there for) was just her and I for most of the day, then some aunts and uncles showed up. Then later that year she gave me a scare, the doctors at the home called me to come right away. They were worried that she wouldn't survive the night. I do not recall me driving there at all. I remember seeing her doctor, but I couldn't hear him because I was sobbing so hard. The nurses took me to sit with her, but she was in so much pain that she didn't recognize me. The nurses encouraged me to talk to her, which was so hard, I couldn't breathe since I was crying. I eventually willed myself to calm down and I talked to her. I remember she looked at me and her eyes were wild. My heart broke. Eventually she did calm down, and stabilized. Some aunts and uncles came and they saw me with her. They said hi and went and sat in the lobby, leaving me with her. The nurses sent me home at 6 in the morning. I'd been there all night. For the next several weeks I visited everyday, all day. I started to fail some of my classes, but most of my professors understood and gave me generous extensions on my papers. However one did not. He claimed that I knew about the paper all year and I should have had it ready, he didn't take into account that I had to do papers as they came, there wasn't time to jump ahead. Anyhow I failed that class, the only class I have ever failed. I'm not ashamed though. It was for a real reason.
I graduated that year, but I didn't want to walk the stage. I saw no reason to, it was just a formality and I remember thinking that if Grannie couldn't be there I had a better way to spend my day. She was proud of me though, she told me so, she was the first, it took my parents both several years to tell me that they were proud of me for graduating.
That summer I moved to Calgary, I wanted to, and yet I felt like I was abandoning her since I was really the only one left in the area. Around the same time my mom moved back and I felt a little better with my choice. Grannie was sad that I left, but she encouraged me. I called her often and visited when I was in BC. However she was getting sicker and sicker, and starting to have times when she wasn't coherent. When I decided to go to Korea I moved home and spent a couple weeks with her. She was supportive of me going, and gave me a ring on the last visit I had with her. I told her to keep it and give it to me when I came home. She said she would. This was in October.
She died that spring, my mom sent me an email and I read it at work. I scared all of the children in the computer lab because I just started wailing uncontrollably. I couldn't help myself. I managed to stumble out of the room and make my way into my bosses office where I was allowed to call my mom. I don't remember much of the conversation, but I do remember asking if she was sure. I decided to not go to the funeral, after Grampa's death there was too much family infighting and I didn't want to deal with it at my Grannie's. I never took any time off to mourn her, even the day I found out I finished working that day. I can't even remember the date she died. I don't want to know it.
I miss her so much. She was so amazing.
So on today November 5th, I think of my Grannie and Grampa. They were the most amazing people. The best grandparents any child could ask for. I wish I could have spent more time with them. I wish they could have met Adam, and meet my baby. I don't dwell on the deaths of them, I really try to remember the feelings of happiness I had with them. So although this is a sad post, I do really like today. If I had a choice of a date to get married I would have chosen November 5th, in honour of them.
I guess I shouldn't love November as much, it's the month my Grampa died (Nov. 28th). But this month makes me think of them so much, I feel closer to them in November, perhaps it is a little macabre, but it works for me.


ETA: For some reason our host wouldn't upload this. Hopefully it'll work today. Grrrr.

Recipes

Did you all know that Rachel Ray's EVOO has been added to the Websters Dictionary this year? I don't know what I think about it, after all EVOO is an acronym, not a word, although in colloquialism it has become a word. Anyhow that is neither here nor there.
I've updated my recipe blog, with 3 new ones. I especially love the chicken one, perhaps I will make it tonight, although I only have marinated artichokes.

3 Years ago.

3 years ago today I went into the Second Cup in Westhills in Calgary and saw the boy. He was sitting at the low counter playing with is palm pilot phone, sipping some frou frou drink that he seemed uncomfortable with. I approached him and made some sarcastic comment about his watch having a calculator on it, and he rewarded me with a smile. We struck up a conversation, only to be interrupted by me getting myself a cup of the best tea* in the world. After we'd both finished our drinks after what seemed to be 2 minutes we decide to go and see a movie. After the movie we sat in my car and talked for another 4 hours, taking us into the wee hours of the night. Realizing that I had to work in a couple hours we said our good nights and went on our merry way.
He was a perfect gentleman. He didn't try to kiss me, grope me or suggest anything inappropriate. Which was a treat in comparison to other dates I had been on recently, with the most recent leaving me literally laughing in some guy's face as he forced a kiss on me, complete with excessive drool and floppy fish tongue. It was so ridiculous, that I was laughing into his mouth as I was trying to pull away from his Vulcan death grip of (his perceived) passion. I never saw Vulcan bad kisser boy again.
Our second date (with Adam) was 2 days later, we saw a movie and went for pho. He dropped me off at home, then in the shyest and cutest manner he leaned in and landed a perfect first kiss. Gentle and sweet, with no drool, tongue or bruising. A week and a half later I had to move 4 hours out of the city for work, and the first weekend I was gone he came to visit me. Then I realized that he was truly special. By Christmas 2004 I knew I was in love, but didn't mention the L-word until Valentines Day. He reciprocated the L-word 3 months after that, although I did find out later that he fell in love with me about the same time I did with him. We were both just being overly cautious.
And now here we are, married nearly 2 years with a baby on the way.
It's story book.... Just the way I'd always imagined it.


* I love their Christmas tea, but it looks like it's been discontinued. This looks similar.

November 2nd 10:16pm.

Okay this sucks. It's only the 2nd and I'm already screwing up? I wonder what's wrong with my brain. Oh wait.... That's right I have a parasite.
Speaking of said parasite. (I get so mad at Adam when he calls her a parasite, and yet here I am being all hypocritical.) Anyhow I thought it would be fun to plea for the stuff I crave, because I can't get it in this country. Yes the land of consumerism and I can't satiate my pregnancy cravings. One might think that I am craving something obscene like (insert strange food item found only in remote jungle or small country far away from here-- remember the brain sucking and my inability to think well?). But I'm not craving ________. I want chicken noodle soup, from Tim Horton's. Oh sweet Timmy Ho's, with your slightly stale donuts and reconstituted chicken noodle soup, how I miss you so. I'm also craving sate pho from Saigon Y2K in Calgary. Oh salty fishy soup that is too spicy to eat so I make Adam order it so I can eat some of his and not waste a whole bowl, how I miss you so. And the piece d'resistance Vegemite. Oh dark god of hot buttered toast, I read that you're illegal in the US due to you high levels of B12. Oh salty spread of spreads the misunderstood breakfast jewel, I know that you are not to be spread like peanut butter, but rather gently caressed into the nooks and crannies of warm toasty bread. Oh tangy taste bud titilater, close cousin to Marmite, I yearn for you. I want you dripping with butter from my toast, melted into a cup of hot water for a yummy beverage and licked lovingly from the end of my butter knife before it's plunged into the dark, humid prison that is the dishwasher. Oh Vegemite more than anything I want to have you in my cupboard so I can eat you anytime I wish. I'll keep you snuggled close to the Nutella, who I hear from the peanut butter is a good bed fellow. Oh Vegemite I especially want you in the two pound jar, forever ready to adorn my toast, and satisfy my cravings for salty yeasty beer by product goodness.

So there you have it, I have cravings, but only of things I cannot get here. Or perhaps they are the cravings that persist because they cannot be satiated. In any case I will continue to dream of toast spread with delicious black sludge to be eaten with Timmy's soup, and then for desert fishy pho.
Sigh....

Halloween Pictures

To please the masses. These were taken at home, but when we had Chachi at a party it seems everyone with a camera was taking pictures of him, when he was happy. So I'll see if I can find some of those and share them too.