UGH

Today is an ugh kinda day. Adam and I had to get up at the horrible ungodly hour of 8am. Which I know will have some people rolling their eyes, I roll them too, when I read that. But I wake every hour to pee, and don't go back to sleep quickly, so 8am is hell! Oi. How did I ever hold down a normal job?
I have no clue.
So anyhow today was an early day because we were interviewing a slew of midwives. Up until today we'd interviewed one, and she was nice, eccentric and I would have been fine with her, but I really want someone I just click with. Today I found that clicky person, and so did Adam, but it's not the same person. However Adam's person is my second choice.
Adam and I do agree though, that we do not want a midwife who will wave incense around me and chant hippy stuff. I'd be liable to drown her in the birthing tub, then labour around her floating corpse. (that's a horrible image....) Okay I promise I won't drown my midwife, but we don't want any crystals being brought into the whole birth experience. I want someone like me, who's a lot of no nonsense and will tell me, straight up, what I need to know. (I'm not saying that I'm no nonsense.... I'm sure I have lots of nonsense....) So it's a hard choice. We'll see what happens.
There was lots of talk of doulas, and we're on the fence. Adam's convinced that he can do it without one, but I worry that it will be a lot of work for him to support me all by himself. Having family step in isn't an option at all for me since our family is in Canada and I wouldn't feel comfortable with any family flitting around me during my birth (or really for the first week after she's born). We might consider a student doula since we don't need an advocate in a hospital since we're not going to one, and if we do have to be transferred the midwife would step into the position as doula at the hospital. In any case it's another decision.
I do wish this was all cut and dry. It's unfortunate that pregnancy and birth is so medicalized now and that we don't have access to more natural births in our lives. What I'm trying to say is that if both Adam and I had seen several births in our lives this would be a cut and dry decision for us, we would have a lot more of an idea of what we want. However we're not privy to that in our culture and I'm going on my gut instincts that this is what I need and Adam has to rely on that too, even though his gut isn't quite there yet. (although he's making strides and is still the only person who's allowed to have doubts)
In any case we're going ahead with it. And in 12-17 weeks I should have a lovely birth story for you, ending with me birthing at home or being transferred to a hospital, but still happy that I tried it my way. I guess really all that matters is that I'm comfortable (with my birth choice), which is totally selfish, but I feel that my comfort level directly impacts my baby, and I truly believe that this is the best choice for her.
Golly I can't wait to show everyone pictures of her.
I bet she's going to be 6ish pounds and a cue ball! I can't wait to see what colour her eyes will be (when the pigment comes in) or if she will have my nail beds or Adam's.
We shall soon see.