Another year another failure.

Due to the issue of my transparency, as in I am so fair you can see through my skin, not the kind of transparancy that makes Paris Hilton relase sex videos on line, I try not to get tanned. Every summer I make a vow that I will be diligent with the sun screen, especially the past few years. Generally it works well, and when people give me a hard time I remind them of Nicole Kidman and Rose McGowan who are both very fair and quite pretty for it. However people seem to think that one must cook one's hide to be attractive and "healthy". I hate this. So I try to keep the sunscreen companies profitable all on my own. But with this fair skin comes sensitive skin. I have a lot of trouble finding a sunscreen I can use on my face. Arg! When we found out that we were moving down here I invested in some really expensive and really quite good sunscreen for my face, and I had done well in maintaining my transparency.
That was until yesterday.
Adam and I went to the Gilroy Garlic Festival and it was hot. I came prepared and wore my face sunscreen, and a hat and sunglasses, and SPF 50 everywhere else. I was ready to take on the day, all preserved in the chemical goodness that is SPF 50. I was going to win this war against the evil sun. Except for one little thing. Your clothes? Yeah, they move, and the skin under them, not so preserved in chemical goodness. Oops.
















You can see how transparent my skin is, you can see the veins right under it. Also, see the sun burns, oh it's a good one. I guess you could say that when I do something I do it really well!
















The other side.
So to quote Miss. Hilton. That's hott

Alert The Presses!

Lance Bass is gay! Oh wait you've already heard? Well yeah he did tell People about his sexual status, and everyone has been talking about it, but I didn't really want to. Really, Mr. Bass, who cares? Then it dawned on me, he's a has been, and what's the quickest way to get back to the top, and help to make a in the works sitcom take off? Oh I know, create a stir, and come out of the closet! Pimp your personal life, and the lives of those around you! Become a spectacle! Make sure everyone remembers you, and then pilot your sitcom. You wouldn't want to rely on the merits of your idea, or of your own acting abilities, that would be far too easy. Or is it there are no merits, or abilities? I don't know. I will read the article though, and I am sure that I will watch the show when it comes out, but if it sucks, I won't watch it again.
I'll admit I like to read the trashy magazines. I know the on goings of a lot of the pretty people's lives and I can talk about them like I know them, like I'm on a first name basis with them all. Except they don't know my first name, or my last for that matter. But you know? The more I read about these people the less I respect them. They are like a girl who sleeps with too many guys and gets a reputation, all the guys want to sleep with her, but no one cares about her. The girl that everyone respects is the girl who is chaste. Often she is intelligent and witty and doesn't need to sleep around to get the respect. Like the pretty people who don't live their lives in the tabloids, they are still popular and doing well, but they can rely on their merits to keep them there. They can act/ sing/ dance, perform.
So, Lance, who cares?

Rants vol. 1

I need to make this a series because I foresee it being one.
Anyhow today I learned about Bill Donahue who is the head of the Catholic League. I saw him on the Colbert Report and he made this asinine comment how he is a true native American because he was born in New York and didn't come from Asia like the Native Americans did. (First Nations) Anyhow, had I been drinking milk I am sure it would have come out of my nose, and not because I would have been laughing but rather because he is an asshat, and his comment made the pressure in my head skyrocket which would have forced the milk out of my nose.
So, Mr. Donahue, granted the descendants of the Native Americans are from Asia, they crossed the land bridge, oh say, 10000 years ago. And you, Mr. Donahue, with your oh so translucent skin, look of a European descendant, which makes your pilgrimage here about say 400 years ago. Using this, much more sane logic, who truly is the Native American? Although clearly, you have troubles with sane logic. I say this after witnessing how you described evolutionism. I paraphrase: "The monkeys fell out of the tree, shed their hair and walked on 2 legs....".
Now this guy wonders why make slanderous statements about Catholicism. When asshats like him run around being complete morons and linking their moronic statements to the Catholic church, it's NATURAL that people get the wrong idea about said church. Although I don't agree with the Catholic Church, I won't slander it.
But Mr. Bill Donahue of the Catholic League is a narrow-minded ignorant asshat.
Now on to another asshat.
Mr. Geo.W.
Oi. This man makes my head hurt, and I think the only way to make this head hurt go away is to plunge it into a snow bank in Calgary. So I am sure that everyone has heard that he used his veto power for the first time to veto a stem cell bill. He vetoed it because he says it crosses a "moral boundary". To which I rolled my eyes, hard, very hard, it still hurts. And I am the reigning queen of the eye roll. It irritates me that he used morals to veto this. From where I stand he has NO MORALS! None. But that is beside the point. What really irritates me is that he is subjecting his morals on to the world (seriously the world) and I have a strong feeling that his "morals" aren’t so ethical and more religious. Also he is very precariously perched on the edge of a very slippery slope. The issue of embryonic stem cell research is oh so close to the abortion issue. If a law can be passed to prevent stem cell research, it can make it very easy to pass a law to outlaw abortions, thereby allowing the government jurisdiction over a person's body. THIS. IS. WRONG.
I think a better solution would be for good ol' G. Dub-Ya to EDUCATE the public, and let them be trusted to make the decision on their own. After all it is their bodies. And I say that the cells are still their bodies, it is a cell from the girl and one from the boy, (I won't give the whole lesson today, but let me know if you want me to explain it in more detail later!)

MY ONIPNIONS:

On the Catholic Church: I don't agree with a lot of their teachings, but I find the Catholic Church to be rather right, and I am rather left. I believe that gay people should be allowed to marry and have children, I believe that birth control is good, I believe that we evolved, I believe that using IVF to conceive isn't wrong. Now, although I believe* in evolution doesn't mean that other people can't believe in creationism. I can't even say that they are wrong. It frustrates me to see people with Darwin Fish, people have them in response to the Jesus Fish, in essence they are mocking the beliefs of someone, and that isn't fair.

On Stem Cell Research: From my understanding, the cells are still a bundle of cells (but I will call them embryos to be fair and clear) , I don't think there is a heart beat yet. Also if there can be a cure found using these embryos who are still just a bundle of cells, then why not? This being said, if I ever had to undergo IVF and we had embryos left I don't know if I could donate them, but on the other hand, I know I could not adopt them out and know that I had more children in the world somewhere. I think this is something that a couple should decide together, this isn't something that the government should decide for you.

On Abortion: I could never ever have one. However I don't think that they should be illegal. I understand that some people end up in situations, and it really bothers me to know that people use abortion as a way out; but on the other hand, some politician holding some office should not be able to dictate what I can and cannot do with my body.

On Religion: I think that religion teaches people to be good, and to do right by fellow man**. Although I don't subscribe to a religion I have my own morals and values and I hold myself to them, even though my values threatened to tear apart everything 6 months and one week ago.

*I think it's strange to say that I believe in evolution. I wanted to say that I study it, but I am not in uni anymore, however I did study it.
**Sometimes I use 'man' interchangeably with 'humankind', it used to really piss off one of my anthropology professors. She claimed with was sexist, but since I am not male she didn't really know how she could accuse me of being sexist. I wanted to tell her to burn her bra elsewhere... I have bigger fish to fry.

Completely Inappropriate

I have had some things that I wanted to write about here, but they were so bad that I decided not to. And not bad like starting a sentence with 'and' or having gross grammatical issues, I mean bad like needing to have your mouth washed out bad. Anyhow I have some stored up so I'll blast you with them all at once.

1) I read somewhere once that women can have an allergy to men's sperm, well more to the protiens in it, which makes getting pregnant harder. However, don't fret, there is something that you can do to prevent being allergic to your guy's love juice. You need to consume it to build up a tolerance. (hey I said it without using the words 'jizz' or 'blowjob!') Then after you build up the tolerance then you can try to get pregnant! Guys everywhere are doing happy dances!

2) I picked Adam up at work today and we ended up sitting in stop and go traffic. So as we were sitting I saw the lady in the car next to me picking her nose, then studying the nose nugget. Inside I was willing her to eat it. I'm terrible I know.

well that is all that I really have and I think that too much more would be a great way to alienate my readers.

HA! my readers, like I have readers!



Hi Gay! Hi Lisa!

July 23rd, 2006

Adam and I were legally married exactly 6 months ago today.
I love you Dumm!

Fat men all over the world

can't compete with how hot it's getting here.
Yesterday the area we live in set records for the hottest it's been. It was 104 degrees F. Yarg! I emailed Alix and mentioned to her that it's like a reverse winter. You only go outside and risk exposure to get to your car, and other necessities. But in the winter there are the perks of skiing. Here I get to work about heat stroke, sun burns and skin cancer. Let the party begin!
Yesterday there was a power plant on the North Bay, which is a little north of us, which went out because of the heat, and yesterday California had the most power consumption ever. Gotta run the air conditioners!
Anyhow it's hot. The air, even at night is stifling, everything has absorbed the heat, so there is never any relief. Luckily we pay an arm and a leg forour apartment and our air con. works very well and is our private oasis.

July 21, 2006

I had no clue what to title this post. Anyhow today was a crappy expensive day. We had a flat tire on Maggie, and I went to the tire store and discovered that the Numb Nuts who owned the car before us had no effin' clue how to drive. All of the tires were bald. Apparently he liked the hemi, or he was a teeny weenied jackass. I am leaning towards the latter! So 4 new tires, and since they are a little on the large side of things, they weren't cheap. Hmm, I guess that was our honeymoon, at 11am in the scortching sun. Whoo hooo!

I got to talk to Tessa for a minute today, she's so cute! She's starting to use sentances!

Well that is all that I am going to say. I think when I have longer posts they are less likey to be read.

cheers!

Fixing a flat tire in the California Sun

Now I've put spare tires on before... It's not a pleasant way to spend a half hour, but it's never struck me as awful. But there's something about changing a tire on a black car in a black parking lot at noon in the middle of summer that leaves a bit of a bad taste.....

Homesick.

SO the way that blogger works is that the most recent post is added to the top of the queue. Which is great when you add a post a day. However I don't always do that. So this is my 2nd one of the day, and it's another lazy one. The one below this one is from my old blog, and I wanted to share an entry with you. Then I went on to read more and I found another one that I want to share. First some backgroud.
My lovely friend Kim Culbert* is an amazing photographer. She takes these pictures that are awe inspiring and leave me breathless. Sometimes I see something that I want to be able to capture the way that she does, but alas I don't have either the equipment, nor the ability. So instead I remember the scene. I have a whole collection of these scenes in my head. When I encounter a landscape, or something that moves me, I make myself remember every detail, all of the contrasting colours, textures, shades and whatnot.
Last November when I was driving home from work in Crossfield back to Calgary I encountered one of these scenes. I described it in my other blog.
Here it is.

Yesterday I was driving home from work and I was awestruck by the sunset. Then I chastised myself for being such a sappy girl… “It’s a bloody sunset, guess what? It happens EVERY DAY!”I just kicked myself in the shin and tried not to drive off the road as I watched it as I was driving. There are some days that I really wish that I had a camera with me it was that pretty. But I memorized it. The sky is pink with long creamy finger clouds stretching across the horizon. Just below the horizon are the Rocky Mountains poking into the pink in all of their craggy glory. They are a sooty black, which makes a clear contrast on the sky. You can really see the line of the mountains when there is this much of a contrast, like someone used a sharp knife and carved them into the horizon. In front of the mountains there are the lights of Calgary. They are far away and more of a sparkle than individual lights. They also have a sharp contrast to the mountains. A picture wouldn’t do any justice because you wouldn’t see them twinkle. Just in front of the lights of Calgary are the lights of Airdrie. They are bigger and you can see more individual lights. They aren’t twinkling, but they aren’t glaring. With the sun setting it isn’t really dark and still have natural light around them diluting them, giving them a slight haze, softening the halo of the light. Closer to me, between Airdrie and me is a farmer’s field. It’s spotted with round bails that still have their bright green colour of fresh cut hay. The field around the bails is stubby, as the grass has stopped growing for the season. It’s a dusty green colour, with dirty snow melting in the shallows of the field. The whole scene is quite pretty. It’s one that I have filed away in my brain under “beauty”.

Anyhow let me know what you think.

* Kim has a website and you should all go and see it. I would have made Kim's name a link, but I couldn't figure out how to and it's late and I am little patience when I am tired. it's www.kimculbert.com
Go, buy her prints, they are fab!

I, TweedleDea, love to travel.

I was reading an old post on my other blog that I never update, but still read on occasion, and I thought that I would share it with you all. I talk about some stuff from when I was in Korea, and my opinions on Americans. Well it's nice to say after living here for 6 months, that my opinion hasn't changed. I still miss Korea, and I can't wait to go back, and I still love mandarian oranges.
enjoy...

I’ve talked about it a lot, but I’ve never come right out and said it. So… (deep breath). I, Dea, love to travel. There I said it. Wow, it feels good to get that off of my shoulders. I feel so renewed now.

Anyhow I spent close to 2 years in Korea, close to a year in England and a little trip to Mexico and Japan, Hong Kong and China in 1994 when I was 16. In these travels I have realized a few things about human nature, about being Canadian, and about being a woman.

Firstly about being human. Everybody goes to the washroom. It’s shocking I know, but they do. When we think of going to the washroom, perhaps for a sitting performance we think of the throne. Yes, the western toilet. However my dear friends, not everyone uses said toilet. Some people squat, and it’s comfortable! “Oh my good golly lolly”, you gasp, “you’ll fall in!”, you sputter. To which I say, “nay brave traveler, it’s all in how your balance yourself, we in North America squat on our toes and that throws off our balance, whereas to squat over a toilet one should balance on their heels by shifting their weight back, and it is quite comfortable.” Also squatters are far more hygienic because you aren’t touching anything. To make my point, everyone goes to the bathroom and there are several different ways.

My second point about being Canadian, it’s a touchy subject but I am going to talk about it openly and well, no one really reads this and this is my blog so I will write what I want. (oh yeah I don’t have a comment section so I can’t get flamed). I digress. I am Canadian, and a proud Canadian at that, (I even have the flag tattooed to my leg), but I do think that some Canadians take their Canadianism too far. I met several Canadians in Korea and they were so staunchly Canadian that all Americans were wrong and bad and disliked. Sometimes I felt that in order to be a proud Canadian I had to American bash. I hated that and I wouldn’t partake, and I noticed that because I didn’t partake, my more insistent country mates looked down on me. This is my rationale: There are approximately 300 million Americans and there can’t be any way that they are all as horrible as we would like to think they are. I met several Americans when I was in Korea and for the most part they were lovely people. I made some really good friends, and I met some really ignorant ones too, I can’t forget that there are also ignorant Canadians. There are more ignorant Americans, but only because there are more Americans, I am sure that we have the same percent of ignorant Canadians. (And most of them walk around with the flag clearly on display shunning everyone who lives south of the border). I fully believe that unless someone gives me a reason to judge him or her I won’t, American or not. If said American makes a rude comment in earnest then I will judge, but if it’s in jest, then I can jest back. I don’t know how many Americans I have told about the wall of ice at the 49th parallel, or how my sled dogs are my best friends, or how I lost a finger last year in a tragic igloo building accident. Furthermore if an American says that they are Canadian when they are traveling avoid ridicule, I take that as a compliment that they think so highly of us to say that they are Canadian. In conclusion I don’t hate Americans, and I think that we need to realize that we are more alike than we would like to think we are, you know with the large border the similarities in culture….

Finally about being a woman. Holy cow Batman, I am so glad to be a woman in North America. Along with being a proud Canadian I am a very independent woman. I was treated differently than my male counterparts in Korea. This didn’t happen all the time, but it did happen and it was strange. Korea isn’t even that male dominated, I know that there are other parts of the world that suppress women far more, and I am sure that I would implode if I were there. I want to go and see some of these places, just to experience it, and then I can be even more grateful, and have a new outlook on life. There were sometimes in Korea that I was denied service because I was a woman, but it was more because I was mistaken for being Russian. When I was living in Seoul, I never spoke English when I was out shopping and what not, I knew enough Korean that I didn’t need to speak English, and I guess my lack of English coupled with being fair and blonde I was mistaken for being Russian. To reply I would say “I’m Canadian” in my most Canadian accent and the store keeper would be sorry and give me free stuff. So it wasn’t that bad. I did feel really bad for the Russian women who were denied because they were Russian. A lot of the Russian women there were prostitutes, so were regarded lowly. In my mind I know I should have just walked out of the store and not patronized them, but I have some pride and I didn’t want to be mistaken as a hooker. Although I did try to not go back to that establishment, but I did walk away being really glad that I was a Canadian woman and that I didn’t have to go to Korea to be a prostitute to make money for my family.

All in all, traveling in great, you see a lot of things that I think really put the world into perspective. I’m glad I have seen some of the things that I have, and I hope to have the opportunity to experience more

Holy Mother of Pearl!

My friend Kim sent me this, I think I need to share it with the world. She also commented on how the girl must have waited to make sure that the guy was in the shot. If you don't see what all the hub balub is, *cough*look at his crotch*cough*

Mish Mash vol. 3

Ok so I haven't made a post in nearly a week. It's not my fault, I swear! The computer wasn't behaving, and Adam tried everything. I suggested threatening it with a hammer to scare it straight. He scoffed, personally I think he did it and now it's a' runnin'.
So the things that have been happenin'.
First I had an earache. Well what I thought was an earache, and what my doctor diagnosed as an earache. But the pain, oi the pain, not so good. I went back to the doctor. I saw another one, since mine doesn't work weekend, and he says it's a jaw thing that looks like an earache. I was told to take Advil, of which I took a lot of, and I also partially cooked my brain with a heating pad, which helped me to make it through a couple days. I feel less pain now, but I can't hear out of my ear at all. I think there might be a little infection, but the drops the first doctor gave me hurt. I think I will just abide with being half deaf until the jaw pain is completely gone and then I will use the drops and get rid of the infection.
Well now wasn't that more than you cared to know? Hey you chose to read my friend.
Moving on.
Tennis. I had told you that I wanted to take tennis lessons. So I contacted this guy and took some with Adam. It was fun. But he was really pressuring me. Like a lot. I wanted to take him aside and remind him that I am not Anna Kornikova and I have no desire to ever play at professionally, I just want to have fun. That being said I have a really good back hand, and I might be a switch hitter in tennis, IE I can use both hands. FUN! Adam and I played a game and alas, he beat me, but just barely.
Rock Climbing. SO fun! I had a belay lesson last night and it was scary as hell, well the first time I had to climb the wall was. I was shaking, and my hands were all sweaty and I was so scared. So I forced myself to climb and to not show fear. I made it to the top and I got down. Then I realized I was hooked. I had to reason with myself, that humans are meant to have fear. Generally falling... is met with a splat. I fear the splat. I did fall though, we had to so the balayer could practice catching a faller. I was a good faller. Very convincing was I, I even threw in an expletive. Well that time I actually fell. Word to the wise, when climbing your 2nd climb ever, maybe don't try a sticky outey wall.... In any case I start rock climbing lessons on Thursday.
Yoga. I just came back from a Gentle Beginners Yoga. I found it quite easy. I need to find a middle of the road one, not too hard, but not so easy that I can do everything. It was really relaxing though, and I enjoyed it.
Ceramics. I only have a couple classes left until October. So I am going to make stuff at home and take it to this place to be fired. I am excited.
When I first told my dad that I was taking ceramics he responded in jest with "I don't want any!" Any you all have seen the pictures, and I find that everyone likes something. Although no one has commented on my dude... I worked the hardest on him. Anyhow my dad mentioned that a large square plate would be good for a fruit bowl. So yesterday I made him one, but shhh don't tell him. Oh wait. We'll see how it turns out, I painted brown and pink circles down one side of it, so he may not like it, but it's not like I can't make another.
Well that sums up my extra curricular activities, and well the gym but I talk about that all the time.
Moving on.
It's not a big secret that Adam and I want to get pregnant. But I don't want to talk about it a lot, lest we jinx it. I am expecting troubles, and they aren't unfounded. But we might be lucky. I have been taking my temperature every morning and charting it, and there is no sign of anything. We bought little pee strips so I can check for ovulation, again nothing. ARG. I do not want people to tell me that it's still early, or that I am young. I hate that more than cheeze whiz on cheap brown bread. I'm aware that I am young and that I have lots of time, but I don't want to be 40 having my first kid, ideally triplets around now would be great, then I would already have 3 children and all would be good. Even twins would be great. Anyhow that will be all that we talk about this until I let you know how things are.
And weight loss. My lovely OBGYN thinks that I need to lose weight. She things I should be 110 lbs. I laugh in her face. No chance on this green earth will I ever be 110 lbs. Maybe if I cut off a leg or something.... Anyhow I have decided to make an effort to "lose half a Backstreet Boy" as my friend Carolyn puts it. I wonder though, if I can choose which Boy? I don't want to lose half a Nick, he's kinda big, but half an AJ would be ok, he's little....
Well I think I have rambled enough.
cheer's ya'll...
oh yeah I love comments.

Ceramics Round up.

I am taking a ceramics course here, and I love it. I have mentioned it to a couple people and I have had requests to post some pictures of my things. Here are some pictures of all of the things that I have made and have at home.
I also have made a pillar candle holder, which was covered in roses, but I gave it away, and I have some stuff that is still in the class being finished. When they are done, I'll post the pictures.
















This is the head view of the first figure sculpture that I attempted. I like how I did his hair. He isn't fired yet, he is solid so he will take a while to dry, he'll get fired in October when class resumes, and I think I'll glaze him white.
















This is the bum view of my guy. Initally when I gave him a bum it got squished cause he sits on it when I was working on the rest of him. It's a nice bum, eh?
















Here is his face. He's an older guy and has a beard.

















He sits up on one arm, but he needs something to lean on. Also I forgot to give him a belly button.
















Here is the full view of him.

















This is a dragon I made. A nice top view! We were practicing to make creatures and hollow them out so that they would dry quicker. To do so you have to be fearless and cut them in half lengthwise and scoop the insides out.
















Rear view. You can see that I broke some of his spines off. Oops.
















Side view.
















Other side view.
















Front, see his teddy bear?
















Sometimes I made useful things too. This is a square plate I made. The first one, so it's a little wibbly wobbily. I don't really put much effort into painting my pieces, I would rather paint them one colour, but I thought I would try something new. I rather like the effect.
















Here is the top view. The painting I did on it is supposed to look like a chinese water colour.
















This is a bowl and a platter. I made them really unstructured on purpose. I like to make things neat and tight. They are made of coils coiled into flowers and more coils around them to make the rough shape.

















Here's a shot of the bowl. When I glazed them, I used a dark colour for the first coat and a lighter blue for the top coats so that the darker blue would settle between the coils to highlight them more. You can see some of the white from the clay too beacause it is on the high part and the glaze turns liquid when it is heated in the kiln and flows to the lowest point.
















This is a close up of one of the flowers on the platter.
















The platter.
















This is the first thing I made. It's a hand and a quill. It can hold a pencil, but I angled the hole the wrong way, so it's just a decoration. I love the glaze that I used. It's a mix of two glazes actually.

















Close up.

















Other side.
















Top view.






So that's all I have now. If you have any ideas of what I should make let me know. I have a million ideas but you might have some other ones.

cheers!

Holy Mother of All Things Good and Pure

We are actually making money on this site! We've made a whole $1.65. Alert the media people!

Oh My....

Today at the gym, I saw something that I never want to see again. I saw the worst of all the Barbies. I saw Menopausal Camel Toe Barbie.
It was frightening.

How to walk a cat on a leash

So Dea and I have a cat, Bonzai, who enjoys going for walks on a leash. I take him for a walk a few days a week, and he pretty much follows me along like a typical dog might. The occasional stop to eat some grass is the biggest difference.

Inevitably, someone will come up and give a "Wow, that's so cute, how did you get him(or is it her? Oh him) to do that? I tried to get my cat to do that but he won't." I've gotten pretty good at answering this question by now, so I figured I'd share my knowledge with the internet in the hopes someone else finds it useful.

Step 1: Get him comfortable with a harness
A lot of people say that their cat just lays down as soon as they try to do anything. Often a cat will be very uncomfortable the first time he wears a harness, and after trying to get it off for 30 secs will just sit down and cry. I've found, though, that if you just let them wear the harness around the house for a few hours, they'll quit their protest and eventually start ignoring it. Don't worry about putting a leash on the harness yet. Do watch, though, that they don't get the harness half off, half strangling them. If they're getting out of it, it isn't tight enough yet. I know if seems cruel, but all that fur actually hides a very skinny neck underneath, so get it on securely. Once the cat is at the point where he'll walk around for a couple hours in his harness without trying to get it off...

Step 2: Going outside
Most cats want to go outside most of the time. Even if they've never been outside before, they're curious, and curiosity did something to the cat... If your cat doesn't immediately try to run out the door when you open it, you'll have to try your luck jumping to step 3. Basically, just open the door (while holding the leash), and let the cat out. Then try to keep up with him as he runs into the nearest bush. Then go sit next to him and pet him and tell him how good he's being on his leash. After a few minutes, take him inside and immediately take off the harness. After a little while, repeat. Each time you take him out, try to hold him back a little more with the leash, but always let the cat get to somewhere it wants to go (bush, under the BBQ, under a chair). Your objective is to teach the cat that you control the speed, but the cat can pick the location. (We'll re-educate the second part later.)

Step 3: New places
The next step is to teach the cat that these little walks can go beyond the nearest bush. If the cat is curious enough to keep walking around, just follow him. If he prefers to sit under a tree, try picking him up and walking over to your neighbour's yard (the neighbour without the second amendment bumpersticker on his pick-up). Put him down close to another spot he'll like: maybe another bush, or a pick-up. Since he knows he gets to pick where you go, he'll go over and sit under the new bush for a while. Give him praise and sit with him for a while, but then pick him up and walk somewhere else. Put him down a little farther from a new safe spot, and let him walk again. You should slow him down with the leash so he's not running into the bush, but just walking to it. Eventually you should be taking him to a large park, and put him down in the middle of a field, nowhere close to any bushes. When he gets to the point where he's comfortable just walking around without heading towards the nearest bush:

Step 4: You're to boss
So far we've been teaching him that when we go outside, you're going to follow him around, and carry him to interesting places. Maybe you're happy with this indentured servitude. I'm not. I usually have somewhere I want to go, maybe to pick up the mail, or drop off the rent cheque. The next step is probably the hardest. You have to have to be more stubborn than the cat. What! That's impossible you say! We'll there's a reason you don't see many cats going for walks on leashes. You didn't think this would be easy, did you?
When you put him down, start walking along the sidewalk, perpendicular to the nearest bush. The cat will head to the bush, but gently pull on the leash, so he ends up going about 45 degrees between the bush and you. Slowly teach him that the leash will pull him along next to the bushes, and that he'll have to follow you before he can hide under that tree. Eventually the cat will start protesting. Gentle pulls will be ignored, and the cat will start sitting down when he doesn't get what he wants. Any time the hissy fit starts, pick him up, carry him a few yards, and try again. Maybe you can occasionally let him have a few seconds in a bush to gain his trust. But eventually you want him to be following about 20 degrees behind you, pulling towards the bush, but keeping up with you. Endless praise should ensue when the cat is cooperating. A quick "come here" followed shortly by a firmer pull on the leash will teach him that ignoring your commands in uncomfortable. Soon (or at least eventually) he'll get used to the idea of you being in charge, and now:

Finally: Show him off
Once the cat's will breaks and he's willing to follow you, it's time to enjoy it. Initially he'll be leary of busy sidewalks and parks. Maybe cars spook him too. But with time he'll learn to trust your path choices, and might even enjoy the extra attention from all the wooed passer-bys. Eventually you'll be getting asked "How'd you teach him to do that?" and suddenly this blog will explode with traffic. Spread the gossip everyone...


Pitfalls:
1. Dogs. I usually find I see the dog before they see each other. Immediately pick up the cat and go somewhere else. Our cat lives with a dog, and he's still scared of every new dog he sees. Maybe with time he'll enjoy meeting them, but they usually bark their heads off when the see the cat, so it's hard for them to get along. Sorry, Bonzai, no dog park for a while...
2. Birds, Squirrels, other prey. This is usually more entertaining than anything else, but sometimes the cat forgets he's on a leash and instinct takes over. He sneaks up on his prey, slowly, step by step, and then leaps at it with a huge bound which ends up knocking him flat on his back with the leash wrapped around his head.
3. Packs of Kids. Oddly enough, I've found most kids ARE polite enough to ask "May I pet him?" Unfortunately most don't wait for an answer before swooping in. Picking him up before the kids get there can let the whole situation be a little more controlled.


So, is there anything I missed. Sure there is. Tell me how lame I am for not dealing with thing XYZ. Or don't. What do I care?

TweedleDum

They Love Me! They Really LOVE Me!

Ok! I want popularity. I want fame. I want fortune. And thetweedles.net is going to help me have it all!
Well...
Ok maybe I am aiming a little high, and I am a little optimistic about this site, but hey, a girl's gotta have goals. No?
When we set up thetweedles.net the company we use shows us a list of the searches that people have done to get to this site. A while ago I was talking about Elliot Yamin and since then people have happened onto our page by searching for him. Fun, right?
Also you will notice on the right of the page that we have ads now. See I can make money off of this page, but alas, we have made none. Do you know why? Cause no one has clicked on the links. NO ONE! Although I can't expect to make a whole lot off of one little ad, especially when we get something like a tenth of a cent every time someone clicks on it. Like Adam said a half of a teaspoon of beer.
So to draw this seemingly random post together, popularity=fortune. Hmm funny that. But to achieve more popularity I need to get more people to read my site. And apparently talking about Anorexic Barbie and Co. at the gym won't make me all famous. I need something outrageous. I need to shock the whole Internet. I need to say something stunning.
I know.
Brad Pitt isn't hot!

Oh it's going to happen for me now. I just needed a different approach. This is my angle. Ya baby.

But don't worry everyone, I'll still say "hi" to you when I am all famous and stuff. But I won't be able to say hi on the playground, maybe only when there is no one else to walk home from the bus stop with.
We'll be like secret friends.

Oh sorry, flash back from elementary school.

Another option is to always mention something in my posts that will be searched for a lot. I could end all of my posts with something like Justin Timberlake's naked butt. Or Britney Spear's plummet into nothingdome. Or World Cup Soccer, a giant Italian scam. Or Suri Cruise, secret love child of E.T..*

Well I should go now before I say something that will get me sued.

cheers.

*Ok I'm kidding with this one, I can't say anything bad about her, poor baby already needs all the help she can get, just a couple months old and already needs a publicist.

Headline on a Bay Area* Paper

Woman, 28, Dies in Freak Yoga Tradegy.

Yesterday at the local yoga studio The Yoga Spot**, a woman died. It appears she was strangled by her own boobs. The busty lady was stretching down over her leg, where it appears her boobage overtook her, squishing out her life. The racked one seemed that she put up a good fight in the yoga class attempting to strike all of the positions despite her boob flesh restricting her, some might even say she is a hero. She fought the good fight and unfortunatly lost.

* the Bay area is the area from Napa to San Jose, which encompasses Maountain View also.
** duh, this isn't the real name of the place.

I've come down with...

a new illness, called "The California". It's made me do strange things. I buy organic food. I want to be outside more. I *gulp* am going to start yoga tomorrow!
It's horrible I know. I think I have a really severe case of it too. Fortunately, Adam seems to be unaffected by "The California". He still is interested in eating nothing but meat, with beer to wash it down. He's not at all interested in yoga, and he has no desire to consume veggies, especially organic ones. So we're happy that he has managed live another day sans "The California".
I am not sure exactly what treatment I should look into. I think that I might be too far gone. I am sure that I am afflicted with the worst type of "The California", I think I have the "Silicon Valley Housewife" strain. You can identify these sufferers by their incessant need to take classes and try to occupy themselves outside of the house because they are not used to not working. I have these symptoms: I am taking ceramic classes 2 times a week. I am going to start taking rock climbing classes, I see my trainer 3-4 times a week, and now the yoga. I also wouldn't mind some racquet ball, squash or tennis lessons either.
Hopefully "The California" isn't fatal; it just is bizarre, so please bear with me. I have read that some of my more painful effects can be staved off with frequent visits from some of the hometowners; they can help the sufferer remember what it was like before "The California".
So please, come and visit me, come often. We have a lovely spare room and I am sure that one of the pets would be more than happy to cuddle with you.....

Board Games Group

So because Adam and I are new to here I have made a very concentrated effort to meet new people and find things for us to do. One of the things was a board game group. They meet every Monday in a rundown office building room and play board games for hours. For the most part I enjoy it; but I am getting a little frustrated. We have been taught all of these great games, we play them once, and inevitably lose and then not play them again. I find this to be irritating. I want to play more. As I was losing I figured out why I was losing and I want to play again so that I can try another strategy. Sigh, but most times the other gamers don't want to play again and I am set up to learn another game, and lose again. It really starts to wear on one's ego.
Most of the games that are played are strategy games, and I have discovered that I really like them. There are a few party games, such as Taboo, Uno, Balderdash etc etc. And Apples to Apples. Arg. Can we discuss how Apples is an unpleasant game? It's completely random, and could be interesting if you knew the people you were playing with, but when you are the unknown playing with a variety of people who have a plethora of inside jokes, you are destined to lose the game. I think a fun alternative would to be very drunk then play. Although I don't like drinking, and it would be bad for me to be drunk around people I don't know well. I tend to really come out of my shell and demonstrate to the whole world just how witty and or snarky I can be. Unless you have known me for a while, it's something better left alone, it seems that most people just don't understand wit and or sarcasm.
So rewind to last Friday night. We were playing games with a group of the other gamers at a "private" game time. (IE not everyone is invited) One of the guys who generally has the better games brought another new game to teach us all. Apparently it is a German game, and apparently the Germans are known for their strategy games. As the Game Bringer, lets call him Ed, since that is his name, so as Ed explains the lengthy complicated convoluted rules I comment how it seems complicated. Really I was just wishing we could just dive in and learn as we go since it was such a convoluted game. Ed thought I was wanting to play something else. Which wouldn't have been a bad idea since the explanation was long and tedious and I just wanted to play something, and not feel like I was back in uni learning probability all over again.
Moving on, we are still getting the game explained to us, and I have decided that if the instructions were read to us in pig Latin they would have made more sense. So to lighten the tense aura at the table, or to merely amuse myself I comment that the guy who invented the game must have never been laid. HONESTLY INTERNET! It was THAT intricate and multi-stepped! Anyhow I was met with bizarre looks and I quietly reminded myself that these people are not ready for the full wrath that is me, so I averted my eyes and placidly listened to the rest of the instructions.
FINALLY we get to play the game. We decide that a shortened version would be nice, and we play. I proceed to get my ass handed to me, and am chided that I am using the not accepted strategy. I acknowledge this and continue on my merry way, even suggesting that we play the longer game, not the shorter one as we agreed on. I am again met with shocked stares and I do a quick assessment of my face. Yes eyes are in the proper spot, nose is not leaking all over the table and there isn't anything hanging from my mouth. Why the stares? Oh yes, I asked to play the game longer and I was clearly, by their standards, losing. Mostly I just wanted to demonstrate that I had a grasp what I was doing and that my method would work out.
So we play more, I kick ass and don't come in dead last, or even to next to dead last, hell I did extremely well considering the game is quite complicated.
Anyhow I post all this in response to Ed's comment to the group on how he made an Apples to Apples group play Power Grid.
http://boardgamegeek.com/thread/116015

Here is the link to the comment.
I felt the need to post this response because A) I can, B) I think that I was misunderstood and thought to be a spinney blonde and C) oh I can!
cheers!

The Source...

of all my powers!
So when I got back from good ol' Canuck land I went for a CT scan to figure out what type of alien is trying to burrow out of my head through my temples. As it turns out there is no alien. Hmm go figure. Now I know it's not a tumour, or I would have been drooling all over myself a while ago. Hmmm again. Well off to radiology to turn me into a 3 eyed walking fish. I loves me some radiation!
So the other day I got the results from the test, as it turns out I have chronic mastoiditis.
I have no idea what chronic mastoiditis is, but it's somehow linked to the sclerotic bony change in the left mastoid air cells. Again I have no idea. But I do think that the mastoiditis is the source of all my powers. I will call them the Melania Powers!
Now I'm off to consult with Dr.Google and I'll let you know, unless I have something better to talk about.
Cheerio!

edited to add...
from something I read on the Internet, and we know if you read it on the Internet, it must be true!
The Melania Powers are somehow realated to my inner ear, and affect mostly boys under the age of 5, but that is the accute kind, I have the chronic kind.
"Chronic mastoiditis is a potentially serious disease because of its complications."
Now isn't that exciting. I'm not going to stress though, cause I haven't spoken to my Dr. so I am sure it's ok.
Right.
RIGHT!
right?

Changes at the Tweedles...

Howdy all,

So with Dea making all this talk about going to a blogger conference, I figured I'd put some effort into professionalizing this site.

First off, I fixed the broken archive links, so if you've been missing some favourite post of the past, go ahead, reminisce, revel in the wonders that are Dea's old posts.

Second I enabled backlinks. So all you fellow bloggers, link to me and blogger.com will generate a link to you. Aren't we all just one big happy familly.

Lastly, you may have noticed a little non-intrusive ad-like-thingy at the top of the page. If the tech bust taught us anything, it's that eyeballs don't pay the bills. So if you see an add for something interesting, go have a look see. And I'll take the tenth of a penny and go buy myself a half a teaspoon of beer. Mmm... beer

So I'm going to try to get RSS feeds and stuff running, so look forward to that. (If you don't know what RSS is, you will when Microsoft finally gets around to recognizing what's happend in the world over the last few years and embeds an RSS reader in everyone's browser... :)


So after I get all of that done, I may have to teach myself CSS (code style sheets, what makes web pages so pretty) and then I can really go to town making this site all nice and stuff. Not that green isn't nice, but I might be capable of better... (Hmmm... yellow with orange titles... then again maybe I'll let Dea pick the colour scheme)

So if I do end up teaching myself CSS, I may just start posting more. Maybe. Or maybe I'll be busy at work. Stay tuned to find out :)

Ahhh gym time again

Today I was back at the gym gettin' my Malibu Barbie thing goin' on when I looked around and realized that it was all hoppin' busy considering it is a holiday and there was some guy wearing a touque. So later I mentioned the touque wearer to Julie (my trainer) and she looked at me with this blank expression. Normally she picks up on my humour when it's directed at the other gym goers, but this time she was lost. I pointed him out to her.
"The guy, with the touque, on JULY THIRD!"
I'm met with another blank look.
"On the treadmill, he's wearing the black touque."
"Ohhhh!" She replies, "the beanie!"
On Internet, I am so Canadian. To me a Beanie is a hat with a twirlygig on the top, or my niece, who we call Beanie, Beaner or any such Bean-ish name. A Beanie isn't a touque. Getting back to the touque, really a touque, in the gym, while doing cardio, IN JULY? Again I am so Canadian. I just don't get it. The gym was hot like well, look back a few posts and you'll get an idea how hot it was, and he was wearing a hat? I just am baffled.

I have new gym characters. It's the Omega Brothers. They both have the Omega sign branded on to their arms, and both have the attitude that they own the gym, and no fat white girl should be using a machine that they would possibly want to consider using. They were moaning to each other that I was going to do my whole workout on the machine I was on. To which I reply.

Dear Sweet Omega Brothers:
Yes I like to work out on the cables. They are exceptionally nice, and allow me to do more circuits when I work out.
What is a circuit you ask?
It's a series of exercises that are done one set after the last in a rotating fashion so that your heart rate can stay up and you can get optimal results. This is why I was doing more than one workout at a time on them, thereby using the machine longer than Anorexic Barbie who was before me. I'm sorry that you had to wait your turn and that you had to roll your eyes so much. It was dreadful I know, I was a horrible person, and clearly I should be kicked out of the gym.
But wait.... you rarely work out there, and I have a trainer, who I pay a HECK of a lot to. So really... I am at the top of the workerouters food chain and you, my sweet boys,
CAN WAIT YOUR TURN!
Sincerely,
TweedleDea

Oh yeah, everything you were doing on the cables when you got to them, all wrong! If you would have dropped the arms of the machine down, you would have had the desired effect. Just thought you should know....
TD


Anyhow the Omega Brothers. They were kinda cute, but the attitude, it brought TweedleBitch out a little and I had to focus on not letting her snark when they were around. Oh it was hard Internet, so hard. wax on young grasshopper, wax on.

While I was doing my cardio I noticed this older lady who was using the ab machines, which are right in front of the cardio stuff I use; anyhow I was looking at her all puzzled by her and at a loss for what was wrong. Then it dawned on me. She was wearing shimmery pink tights under her shorts. Her shimmery legs kept me mesmerized for a good 10 minutes, which made my cardio a little less hellish. I do wonder though, why? What is the purpose of the tights? Or the thong bodysuit? Why?

I guess that is one of life's great questions, up there with, which came first, the chicken or the egg. Why do the little old ladies wear bad 80s workout attire?

BlogHer

Ok I am going to lose my mind. I was aware of this conference last year when they had it. And here it is again, this year! AND I WANT TO GO! The problem is that there aren't any packages left for the whole shebang, so I can go on the 2nd day, but then everyone would have gone on the first day, and I will know no one and ahhhh! Arg. I blame the wedding for distracting me!
sigh.
I posted on the BlogHer site hoping to somehow get tickets for both days and find out if other singletons are going and hopefully I will be lucky.
Oh and the kicker? It's in North San Jose, which is stupid close to where we live.

Sometimes I am jilted by life! Sigh.

Canada Day in Yankee Land

Except I am in a more southern state so I guess it's not so Yankee, but since I am Canadian and we call all Americans Yankees, here we are.
It was strange that yesterday passed with no pomp and circumstance. It was all quiet and not festive. I know I have been overseas before for Canada Day but there was still a to-do with all of the Canucks around. Yesterday? Na-da. We went to a poker tournie and I lost and Adam did well, but no YAY HAPPY CANADA DAY! It was disheartening.
I got over it.
I vow to not get all caught up in the festivities on Tuesday, but we have to go and see the fireworks, and I will quietly dedicate them to Canada.

Mara!!

My friend Monica had her baby! Mara Hailey Hoffort. She's so pretty! I'm so happy for Monica, yay!
So of my pregnant friends, who are all due this summer, that is one down and 2 to go....