The Tweedles

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

TLC's PrimeTime.

The other night I was watching TLC and they had 2 of their new shows on: "Honey We're Killing the Kids" and "Shalom in the Home". I found both of these shows to be funny and a little, ok a lot lame.
First, "Honey We're Killing the Kids", the premise of this show is to show the parents of overweight children what their kids will look like when they are 40. They base it on the kid's current weight, eating habits, diet, health and what their parents look like. The pictures always showed a fat adult with bad skin, 80s glasses and frumpy clothes. I especially liked as they show the child advancing through the years at some point he had a mullet. Oi! Then the Drs step in and put the kid on a diet and exercise program. The kid inevitably hates it. Then at the end of the program they show what the "improved" adult can look like. He (I have only seen boy ones) will have nice clothes, a nice hair cut, no glasses, good skin and smiling. Hmmm.... Do you see it? The blatant mis-representation? I get that being healthy and good diet and whatnot will improve your life, and that you will have more energy. However it doesn't necessarily mean that you will have a better job and nicer clothes and no mullet. Who knows your life may even be more screwed up.
I think if they are going to claim to be all scientific then they should take out the factors like hair styles, clothes and facial expressions. They are misleading. I do think that the children should get healthy, and they it can add years to their lives, but that should be enough to entice their parents. Not whether or not little Johnny will be a lawyer cause he ate his carrots or a fry guy cause he chose donuts. There are plenty of skinny people in the world who have crap assed lived and being skinny hasn't helped them at all! Need proof, just open a trashy magazine and the pages are filled with examples.

Moving on.
"Shalom in the Home", so this Rabbi guy drives all over America in a "Super Nanny" meets "Dr.Phil" premise. The unique part is that he has a trailer filled with high tech TV stuff to help him watch his charges. Sigh. It's like "Super Nanny, Dr.Phil" meets Bob Blumer the "Surreal Gourmet"

So see?
The show starts out with the Rabbi telling us how it was hard for him to grow up after his parents divorced. So little Shmuley had a tough life cause his parents divorced? Hmm... yes Shmuley I can see how that would make your life hard Shmuley. Poor Shmuley had a tough life growing up in a single parent home. I wonder if Shmuley got teased for it.
"Nah nah nah nah nah, Shmuley has no dad, nah nah nah nah"
"Shmuley's mom wears the pants"
"Shmuley's home is broken"
Yeah I am sure that all of Shmuley's problems came from his parents being divorced.
Poor Shmuley.
The rest of the show is good, he does make valid points and all that. I wouldn't say that he is original, but kudos for trying Shmuley.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Tessa and Auntie

Tessa was helping to make bread and I put some flour on her nose and showed her in the mirror. Then we put some on my nose and she thought it was the most amusing thing. We had to take a picture. It's a self taken one, which is why it's kinda wonky.

More pictures of my Easter trip

I thought it would be fun to decorate easter cookies with Tessa. Oh I was so right. Nana and I decorated, and Tessa ate the candies and icing. The last picture is her smushing candies into icing for Daddy. She had a lot of fun, and got really sticky.

You can really see my ring in this one.

Not the best picture of Auntie!

Monday, April 24, 2006

Maggie Hermonie

This is a picture of the 2003 concept one, but it looks like our Maggie. She's black too with the tinted windows. Same tires and rims (aluminium alloy). She is a V8 with a Hemi, or a V8 Hemi, or however you say it to make it sound like you have any clue what you're talkin' about. All I know is my car has a Hemi!!! She has 340 horse power (Adam's Corvette has 345) and she is pretty! Maggie is big enough to hold all of our toys and future family extensions, you know more dogs and kids... stuff like that. She has a grey leather interior and a Boston Sound system.
Maggie is used, but only by the manager of the dealership and really bearly used. What I think is cool is when we are on road trips she'll kick down from a V8 to a V4 (if that is the proper way of saying it) to save gas. Oh and best of all, I look hot in her!

And for the skeptics, I haggled an awesome price. The best part is when the closing salesman came back to tell us that his manager wouldn't let us get it for price X, I asked if I should talk to him. The closer guy and the sales guy both looked right stunned and hesitated for a minute, saying that no one has ever asked that before. Anyhow, the games people, the games. When we are talking about buying a vehicle that is more than 25K talking to me about a hundred dollars kinda irritates me when it's early in the neogotiations. I told the sales guy that $200 is not important and that I could spend that on a couple pairs of shoes. Do you know what he came back with?
"But would those shoes give you such a great investment?"
Sigh, I told him that he made a silly comment and that I wasn't going to talk in terms of hundreds I was only going to talk in terms of thousands. He gawked at me a little and said ok. So long story short I got the car for less than what Adam and I agreed on together and less than what they would even go for in private sales according to the Kelley blue book.
Oh yeah. Also I will continue to refer to her as her and Maggie. 'Cuz she's so pretty!


Sorry that I thought today was the 23rd! Now there's only 12 more years...

Barbies, Barbies Everywhere!

Today I had an extended cardio session at the gym. My regular trainer is on holidays and the fill in dude double booked himself so I got the bump. I figured since I was already sweaty I might as well get good and sweaty to make it worth the laundry. So I did 90 minutes on the cross trainer, I can't do anything small scale can I? Sigh. Last Friday I had another trainer and he seem skeptical that I could do what I said I could, so he made me do all of these things, it made me feel like he was testing me. And Internet, I do not fail. Ever. And I ripped my abs. Oi it hurts. I woke up screaming on Saturday because I rolled over and ripped them more, I scared myself and Adam. I explained the pain to him as having an 8 pound medicine ball pass through your sphincter. Adam winced. (Hey, preggos, hee hee hee... have fun with that. kidding, you know I'm jealous!) Anyhow long mini story short, it was ok that I was bumped cause I am sore, with a capital HOLY MOTHER OF ALL THINGS SACRED AND PURE. As I was sweatin' to the oldies or rather with the oldies I people watched. I have mentioned some of the gym characters before like Menopausal Barbie and I thought I would give you a run down of some of the other ones:
Mullet Man>> duhn na duhn na dude looks like a laaaadeah! This guy is straight from 1984! He fully is business in the front and a party in the back. Complete with the dirty sweat stained white baseball cap on backwards back on his head as to show his full voluminous bangs. I love his hair band t-shirts and his high tops. I have to give him credit though, he works hard, and he exudes sexuality, if you're into the man that 1984 left behind.
The old Chinese Couple>> These two are cute. She wears full makeup and flits from station to station in a sporadic circuit, he spends a lot of time on the thigh machines where all of the young women frequent. When they left today they were holding hands.
The Naked Ladies>> These ladies scare me the most. They all take the water aerobic classes together and they mill in the change room afterwards all naked and talking about inane things as they smear themselves down with expensive lotion. I keep my eyes to the ground and get out of there as fast as I can.
Big Jesus Guy>> This guy is kinda hot! He's huge, and seems really shy, I've never seen him talk to any one. He's always wearing a t-shirt that says "Got Jesus?". I can't make fun of him, he's too hot.
Funky Hippie Chick>> She wears clogs to the gym and takes them off when she is on a machine. It makes me really happy to know that I always wear my shoes on the machines. Also she doesn't shave her arm pits. Seriously though, who works out in clogs?
Various Muscle Heads>> 'Nuff said.
Finally the Crème de la Crème:
Geriatric Barbie>> Today was the first time that I saw her, she was wearing a fuchsia thong body suit over black leggings, and white tube socks. I was scared. Her and Mullet Man might hit it off, except she was old. And saggy.

I'm going straight to hell for this post.

Sunday, April 23, 2006


For all of the Canadians in the hizzouze, TCBY is a Frozen Yoghurt shop, or Fro Yo. TCBY means The Country's Best Yoghurt. Lame name, so clearly an acromyn is better. The NSM? That is pure Tweedle, Not So Much. Yesterday we needed a celebratory ice cream (fro yo works) because we got Maggie. She's lovely, black on black. Her full name is Maggie Hermonie Berkan. We'll discuss her later. Back to the ice cream. I got yummy cookie dough, normally I get cookies and cream which is better, Adam got "Rainbow cream blast". It was colours that have no business being in anything consumable, the colours were only appropriate in the 70s on some freaky velvet and black lit poster. I had a small taste, it had no flavour other than that indescribable chemically taste which was pure colour. Adam ate it all even though it should have been called Chemical Rainbow Blast. He joked how it would turn his pee blue, I said it would turn something else blue. Fast forward to today; guess who was right?
Today after we got back from our weekend errands Adam made a bee line for the guest bathroom (on my insistence, I know from experience what that look on his face means). He came out and looked a little green, explaining that his poo was blue. Poor Dumm, he looked defeated. So he did what any man in his situation would do, go and play video games. He came into the bedroom later with his pants in his hands. Apparently we went from blue poo, to blue explosive poo. Chemical Rainbow Blast indeed! I couldn't help laughing out loud. Now don't go and say that I'm all horrible for laughing at him, he was giggling too, and sometimes I laugh when I just don't know what else to do. I suggested that he eat cheese to bung him up, but it would have the opposite effect on him, so I made him chili instead, but really the chili is like a horsehair shirt for me cause I laughed at him. I also made him a double batch of brownies with extra rich icing. See I am a good wife.
So on to Maggie Hermonie. She's black on black. And so pretty. I'll let you dream about her and I'll post pictures as soon as I can.

Friday, April 21, 2006

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Now back to our regularly scheduled programming.

Interactive vol.2 and a little bit of nostalgia

Today boys and girls we have another fun one curtosy of my lovely trainer, Julie, who made my abs scream more than Katie Holmes birthin' a la Scientology. This will involve a fit ball, properly sized. Which means if you're a shorty like me you need a wee little ball. So you are going to need lots of space and maybe some padding around you. There is a chance that it could go awry resulting in maybe a minor injury. However, you should try this at home, but not if you're pregnant. (Kim, Monica, Taralee.) So what you will do it kneel on the ball, and then abruptly fall forward landing in a posting like you are going to do pushups. If you can't do this gracefully, that's ok because I didn't either. The proper assumed starting position is face down, ass up (kindly remove your mind from the gutter and follow along...), and hands about shoulder width apart on the floor and knees on ball. Now you will roll the ball in and out on the floor towards yourself and away from yourself. Yes, and FEEL THE BURN BABY! If you're not burnin' then kick it up a notch and start with the tops of your feet on the ball, not your knees and roll it up, piking your body. Seriously Internet, my abs still hurt. Then since Julie's away, I must still play, so I had a different trainer yesterday. He made them burn more. He had me do crunches on the floor with an 8 pound medicine ball. Easy huh? Except I was throwing it to him, and then he would hold it, thereby making me hold the crunch... oi if I could crack walnuts with my abs I would, you know except for the protective layer of uhhh protection.
AND my dear friends, WE HAVE DEFINITION! There is a clear line defining my biccepts from my tricepts. Now because I have spoken of it, I am sure it will disapear. I should drown my sorrows now... where is that port and I think there is some Nutella left in the cupboard....

Did everyone love the Tessa pictures? I have about a thousand more. Don't worry, I'll subject you to them in time. After all she is ADORABLE!

Here's another fun little ditty. I downloaded Yahoo messanger today, and just for kicks I found Arvelle. It was really strange to see a picture of him. And since you're wondering, here's a quick synopsis. Met him in Korea. He's a US army dude. He was in Taegu. On my 2nd contract I went to Taegu. We fought some. He broke up with me cause I didn't think I was ready to have a baby when I was 23. We reconciled. I had a lonly Christmas. He didn't show up for New Years. I hated my job, I had an evil boss who did all of the quitessential creepy Korean boss stuff. I left Taegu and went to Seoul. I didn't tell Arvelle. He was mad. I was too. Things ended, badly (again). We haven't spoken since. I hate knowing that someone doesn't like me.

(apparently must. get. therapy)

So that is the story. He is in the picture with some blonde, who is holding a dark haired baby. I hope he is happy, not me being snotty, I sincerly hope he is.
Funny thing. The next boy thing who I had, Mike, we broke up because he never wanted to have kids. I didn't see the point of being with him. I saw it as that one of us would end up being unhappy eventually.

Now I am about to get married and the guy I am with wants to have children and I want to and we are ready and I love him and he loves me and YAY!

Funny how the world just works out just the way it should.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Tessa and Chachi

Here is Tessa and Chachi, she was watching a movie and she wanted to hold the puppy. SHe was good with him and loved the kisses he gave, and she gave some in return.

Saturday, April 15, 2006

The Reason I came to BC.

I came to see my baby neice Tessa. I've included a mix of some recent and some of my favorite pictures of her. I have some great ones of her on our camera, but I have to upload them at home.

This is us on Haloween 2005. Adam was Optimus Prime and Tessa was a pumpkin, I didn't dress up (I was a bag of jelly beans at a party) becasue I knew I would have to carry her some.

This is Tessa playing in Adam's costume. We left it in BC because she loved it, and really it's not like he was going to use it again. And although he won't say it too loudly he loves her and spoils her as much as I do.

Here they are sitting together playing with Adam's phone/ computer, she is wearing the tshirt I bought her in New York, it says I heart New York. This is at the Haloween trip.

This is in July 2004. She is just a couple months old and she just learned how to pbbbft, and thereby spraying everyone. She is in her jolly jumper for the first time and loving it. She's in it backwards. Even now if she is standing on your lap she will jump. She loves to jump. I atribute it to her jolly jumper.

Tessa loves the phone. She will talk into it and start with "HI! How are you? yadda yadda yadda yadda blah blah blah, ok bye!" Also note her hair is growing, YAY! This is recent.

To get Tessa to be un-hyper and destroy the house, you say one little word, you can even say it under your breath. Colour. She will stop anything and come running. "Colour!? OK! Colour!" She holds her crayons properly and draws intercate little scribbles. Yesterday she learned how to draw a circle. Well she learned what a circle was and draws them incessently.

These last ones are Tessa and Poppa playing with the bead maze. She loves colours and likes to tell you that everything is "poh-pol". She knows her colours but I think that she just likes to say purple.

Look she has hair now and we can wear it in pretties "pitties" now.

Isn't she beautiful, see why I came home for a while. She's so adorable. And she loves her Auntie, and Uncle Dumm. I've taught her how to sau "Good Golly!" this trip and "oh my Goodness!", which sounds more like "oh my guiness!". This will make Adam happy, another premium beer lover in the family.

Friday, April 14, 2006

Fear Factor

Last night I had a dream about Joe Rogan. For some reason he kissed me. Now don't go gettin' your panties in a knot! Just because I've dreampt it, doesn't mean that I want it to happen, besides I've seen him eat cockroaches! Ewww! What I think it means is that I am going to be on Fear Factor, so that means I have to start practicing eating pig vagina, horse rectum and tomatoe horm worms. Hmmm pass the salt, yo!

(Also I shouldn't watch Fear Factor before I go to bed!)

Thursday, April 13, 2006

The one with the issues.

It's no surprise to a lot of you that I have issues, or that I am a diva, drama queen etc. etc. I prefer diva. Anyhow since I have been in BC I have been thinking sometimes, between making wedding stuff and changing pooey diapers. I feel the need to share them with the world so here is a nice list of them for all of you lovely Internetters.

1. I don't want to list anything as number one because I don't want to imply that any of my neurosis are freakier than another.

2. I am having trouble defining myself. Some of my friends are teachers- they teach, some are designers- they design, some are lenders- they lend, some are engineers- they design, create, manufacture, over think. And myself, I do nothing, does that make me a nothinger? All kidding aside it's funny that society defines you by what you do. When someone asks you what you do, you say I'm a noun, not I verb. So now I don't know how to describe myself. Granted I keep myself busy and I don't just sit around all day, but I don't know how to define myself. I worked hard to be able to define myself in the past with something I considered appropriate, and now I don't have that. There will be a day when I am a stay at home mom, but I don't know if I like that title. There is such controversy with that. I don't want to get caught up in that. I am sure that people will just say that I shouldn't be concerned with how people define me, but we as a society define ourselves.

3. It kind of sucks not to be working. People often tell me how lucky I am that I get to stay at home and live off of my husband. Granted it was nice to have a break for a while and de-stress. Now along with my need to define myself I don't want to feel like a drain and feel like I contribute. Making Adam's dinners and all that is well and good, but I am not a housewife. I hate laundry and cleaning. Sigh, but it does need to be done and I am picky, I need to have the shirts folded just so, which means I need to do it.

4. This is a big one. Money. It really is a drag. A lot of time I think that Marx had it all right, but humans are so damn greedy that we all can't be alike, we like to compete and be better than someone. I know there are people that think that I have hit the big one and that I am lucky. I want to throttle these people. I am lucky, but not in the way they are thinking. I am lucky because Adam gets me. He understands my idiosyncrasies and doesn't judge me for them, and he lets me work through them. Also we have fun together, we have so much in common, and so much not in common. It's the not in common that I appreciate. This way I can learn more, like how anti-neurons can smash into neurons and make something new. I don't love him because there is a promise for security. I won't lie and say that it's not a nice thing to know. However I wouldn't compromise my integrity and marry someone I didn't love just for this promise, especially since I found my own security. This issue is huge for me becasue it hits me at my core. I've always had ambitions to make myself into something great, like a lawyer or a journalist, something fabulous and something that I would be proud to be. I went to university for this, not to become more worldly but as a means to an end. I accrued massive debt by ways of student loans for this reason. I worked hard to be able to say with conviction that I was a acceptable noun, and gold digger isn't that noun. Adam knows this and he doesn't think I am one. I know this, but I am not convinced that everyone knows this. I have a feeling that people who knew me as a child and a teenager think I've hit the "big one" and they are happy for me, and not because I've/ or I'll marry that greatest guy. There is more to this, but I don't want to get more specific, and the people closest to me will know this greater issue of this issue, or sub-issue.

5. I'm worried that the wedding won't go off without a hitch. I had a dream last night that I didn't have the flower girl flowers ready and all of the decorations weren't ready and everything was a mess.

6. I want to be a writer? I want to be a writer. I want to be a writer! I hope I can be a writer someday.

7. I have been working hard at the gym. I haven't seen amazing results, but I can feel them. I like that I am stronger and tighter. I want to stay on the path that I am on, and I don't want to be second guessed for it. It's something that makes me happy and it's not like I'm getting into the smack to make myself feel good. Besides with the like of Menopausal Barbie there, it makes great blog fodder.

Ha I publish this post just as I have sent out all of the invitations and there will potentially be more readers to this site. I guess I should be doing lots of posting in the next little while to bury this one.

Blogger Code

I took a survey to see what my blogger code is.... I am to paste it here, I have no idea what will happen, it's like reality blogging!
B7 d t k- s- u-- f i o++ x-- e+ l c--

Monday, April 10, 2006

I'm no Physicist

Often when I am at the gym repenting past sins on the crosstrainer before I have my session with my trainer, I need to distract myself. Really I am not all that bad so my repenting can be kept to a minimum. To this end I will turn my MP3 player up really loud, which will get me dirty looks from Barbie-The Menopause Years on the trainer next to me. I ignore her, turn up my music and keep on repenting, sometimes thinking how fun it would be to strangle her with her braided terry cloth sweat band. When I really get into my groove and feelin' some pain, my mind starts to wander and I start composing blogs. I have written epic blogs in this state of mind. I am sure that they are the equivalent to some of my druken poetry, which only one other person has ever been privy to. It was, shall we say, interesting. Another place that I like to pre-blog is when I am driving. I try to remember it well but it's not always easy. I can't take notes while I am driving, I'm sure that it is a little illegal. I could carry a little recorder and record it, but I can't bring myself to being that geeky... although I really like the idea. So I just think of it over and over, trying to commit it to memory. More often than not, my memory just doesn't serve me so well. What seemed so perfect and witty, is crap. I'll give you an example.

The weekend that Adam and I went to SanFrancisco we drove over this bridge that went over a strange long narrow building. Adam explained to me that is was 2 miles long and it is used to speed up neutrons or electrons so that they can crash into each other and make a little mini explosion which creates another element or some new miniscule thing that should be on the table of elements. This would be all well and good except the new thingy expires and is gone. So these Physicists speed up the little neurons and crash them into each other to create something that will only exist for a second or so. Personally I find this silly. They take all of this time and energy, essentially for nothing. Couldn't they better use this to make....

Now this is where I have forgotten my punch line. It was funny yo. Something like crash toghether 2 pairs of shoes and get 40. Now that's science!

Sunday, April 09, 2006

The Drive

So with Dea out of the country for a while, I decided to go for a bit of a drive yesterday. Dea gets car sick driving through the salt flats on a 6 lane freeway so I haven't been making full use of lateral stability capabilities of the 'Vette much.

A co-worker invited me to a luncheon with everyone he knows to meet his new baby. Not usually my kind of thing, but with Dea gone I get hungry, and the lunch was in central California (i.e. outside silicon valley). I had to wake up a little earlier than I get up for work so I could hit the San Mateo bridge on the way. It's over 11 km long and crosses the San Fransisco Bay. Most if it is a causeway though, so not as cool as some of the other bridges over the bay. Then I drove through Haywayrd and across the valley walls using I-580. It was nice, but an 8 lane freeway with a train running in the median just isn't sufficient to squeal the tires on the Vette.

It was weird being in a chinese restaurant with 100 of my closest chinese friends and having almost none of them using chopsticks. In silicon valley, the yuppies rule, and use of a fork in an asian restaurant is so low-brow. There they just see forks as more convenient.

Anyway, for the drive back I decided not to take the freeway. Thing is, though, the freeway uses the only major pass between the central valley and SV. In fact there's only one other road: Del Puerto Canyon Rd. It's 40 km of climbing winding canyon roads barely wider that 2 cars. But nice pavement. At one point it starts climbing out of the canyon. It's about 15% grade, and just perfectly winding so you never take a hand off the wheel but never stop moving it either. 2 seconds left, 3 seconds right, 1 second left... Amazing 2km or so...

But this canyon road only takes me halfway home. And there's not road through the passes near there. The only road is the Mt. Hamilton road. Another 30 km, but this time climbing the side of a mountain. This one was mostly switch backs and elevation gain. The top of the mountain is a little over 1250m. That's almost as high as Canmore. From the top you can see the entire silicon valley and San Fransisco bay.

But why would they build a road to the top of the tallest mountain? To put an observatory of course. The Lick Observatory (named after James Lick you pervert) is a UC Berkley facility with some of the greatest telescopes ever built. Of course the pollution is so bad now that they haven't built anything in 50 years, but it had the largest telescope in the world in 1888. It is still a big observatory with a dozen telscopes. I took a tour of the original big one and then it was time to go home.

The drive down from the observatory is even windier than the way up. It was build in 1876 so horses could bring up construction material for the observatory. I was in second gear the whole way down, and never had to touch the gas. Woo hoo...

Anyway, I was feeling a little car sick myself by the time I was done, but it was certainly a fun day. Of course seeing a baby neice would have been fun too, but what can you do?


Saturday, April 08, 2006

Beautiful BC

I'm here I made it mostly in one piece. I had issues getting here, but I'm here, and it's lovely. It makes me wonder why people think that California is so nice. It's warmer here, there isn't bucketloads of rain everyday, and it's easier to drive here. I almost don't want to go back except, Adam's there, and it's cool to say "I live in California".

The line-ups in the SFO airport were hellacious and drove me close to insanity. So much so that I snapped at the incompetient counter idiot who nearly made me miss my plane. Normally in these situations I am all calm and pleasent as that normally encourages people and they try harder for you. This didn't work for her, I had to bring out TweedleBitch, and did I ever. I even had to, yes, HAD TO, snap at a supervisor and some other misc. dork-izoid. I tried the being nice route but they would have nothing at it. Their actions clearly asked for me to bring out my inner bitch. I normally keep her under strick supervision; because Internet, she's MEAN! Anyhow she served her purpose and went back into her little hidey hole and hasn't immerged since. I'm dreading going home though. Airports and me lately do not mix, worse than vinegar and oil, becasue at least that is a pleasent mix. So the reason I don't mix? Not only did TweedleBitch make a long awaited appearance, but they lost my luggage! So for those of you who are keeping track at home, luggage was also lost when we flew into California. Can you see why I don't want to go back, I'm scared of what will happen next. But for you to find out what will happen next, you will have to stay tuned into the saga of the Battle of the Tweedles and the Airports.

When I got here, I didn't get the car I wanted, they upgraded me, I know I shoudn't whine about that, but I was looking forward to driving something small like an Echo. Now I have a Malibu, and it has a V6 or 8, which I know what it means, but really I think vroom vroom and super vroom vroom. I like the vroom, but it comes at a cost, and when gas is close to $1.10 a litre, sometimes less vroom is great.

The best part of the trip? (I know you are dying to find out.) Was seeing Tessa. I went over to the bro's place of doom and gloom and he called Tessa to come and see Auntie, and she came running, full speed out of the other room and hurled herself at me, screaming "AUNTIE!". It made me so happy. So happy that I won't taint it with some lame assed metaphore. She is inexplicably cute and you can't help but want to eat her up and pick your teeth with her little finger bones. We spent some quality time together. And by quality I mean her screaming bloody murder when you try to pry her out of the bathtub even though she is so deeply wrinkled that you wonder if her skin will split. We also decorated Easter cookies. You know, I piped the icing on and she stuck her fingers in it, licked them and stuck them in again. I think she was adding her own little touch. Like everything is much better with samples of her DNA in it. I am sure the best part of the cookie decorating for her was eating the candies. I think she ate them as fast as I could get them on the cookies. Luckily she is her father's child and her metabolism is like super de-duper vroom vroom. We also took her to a sushi joint, she was all good and ate some of everything and made everyone marvel over her adorable self. Unfortunatly I didn't get to see her today, she spends time with the baby mama on weekends. Which left me free to be aassaulted by the spawn of pure evil. (More on that later.) In any case I am happy to see her. I couldn't write about it too soon because I has to let TweedleBitch simmer down or this post with be full of *#$&s and @&%!s which is hard to read. Also I am still savoring the "AUNTIE!", I don't think that will ever get old.


An Open Letter

Dear Little 'Tween Girl in Claire's Today Who Shoved Me Because She is Clearly an Impatient Twit and Didn't Even Stop To Apologise:

I am going to send you a book, it's called, "Etiquette for Dummies". Obviously you need it.


Thursday, April 06, 2006

ABCs Michelle Style.

Michelle, the mother of one of my adorable flower girls and fellow Libra Extroidinaire, sent me this. Here are my answers.

A is for age: 28

B is for Booze of choice: wine

C is for career: housewife, poo picker-upper, pink medicine administrator, dinner maker.

D is for your dog's name: Chachi

E is for essential items you use everyday: Sports bra, (gotta keep the sisters in charge), lotion, hair elastics.

F is for favorite song at the moment: Rock Star by Nickleback, it makes me work out harder

G is for favorite games: Scrabble; Crib; Uno; Skip-Bo; (this was Michelle's answer, but I love all these also, and backgammon)

H is for hometown: Mountain View California

I is for instruments you play: flute, and I want to play the violin better (well at all)

J is for jam or jelly you like: Blackberry

K is for Kids: none, YET, but for a boy Malachi, and a girl Ellis. (this may all change)

L is for last kiss: 10 mins ago from Chachi

M is for most admired trait: of me? I guess that I don't have to work, but Internet, it's boring!

N is for the name of your crush: Adam Bruce Berkan....

O is for overnight hospital stays: This one time when I was little, I got a kidney infection, and they made me stay in the hospital, and the baby next to me slept in a tent that was cold! And I had needles and I didn't get to eat, I ate through a needle, and I got to have jello after a little while, but I liked icecream, and then they let me have some. And soon I went home and I was all better. But I was mad at them for keeping the baby cold.

P is for phobias: dark water, tight spaces

Q is for quotes you like: Dance like no one's watching....

R is for biggest regret: That I didn't try harder in uni, and that I didn't persue law school.

S is for sweets of your choice: chocolate and icecream

T is for the time you wake up: when ever I want....

U is for underwear: Unless I'm wearing the lycra workout pants and then the panty lines are just too horrible....

V is for vegetable you love: all of them!

W is for worst habit: procrastination, hey Michelle me too!!! It must be a libra thing.

X is for x-rays you've had: besides the dentist one? Um... a few on my knees, and on my hand and collar bone after the car accident when my hand broke

Y is for yummy food you make: Spaghetti and meat sauce, Adam's Alfredo, Veggie Stew, Korean Red Chicken

Z is for zodiac sign: Libra. I am so totally a Libra. OMG Michelle ME TOO!!!!

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Morning Ramblings

Last night I woke up and pulled the covers off of me to a cooler part. I love the feeling of being warm and then finding a cool spot in the bed or on the covers. It's ALMOST as good as Nutella and port!

I realized this morning that I put more effort into making Chachi's breakfast than I do mine or Adams. He gets his puppy food, with his "chewable" vitamin cumbled on it, all mixed with some meaty baby food and sprinkled with powdered freeze dried beef liver, which makes me gag every morning. I have to crush his chewable vitamin becasue he doesn't like it, which makes my vet and the advertising on the bottle liars.

I saw malice in Bonsai's eyes today. I have to give him amoxicilin twice a day. It's pink and liquid, and it tastes like bubble gum. He hates it. So I have to bribe him with moist food and cat milk after I assult his disserning tastebuds. Then he loves me again.

I have a strange knack for either picking species confused pets, or turning them. Bonsai think's he's a dog. He always has, he doesn't really meow, he kinda whines like a dog, and has been known to make a strange barking sound. He walks on a leash better than most dogs and drools. He also can play fetch if he is in a generous mood. Chachi is smaller than the cat and has taken to scratching on the cat's scratch board. He stalks his toys and pounces on them. I'm worried, if it's me doing this to them, what will happen to my husband over time?

Monday, April 03, 2006

Busy Day.

I've posted a lot of posts today, scoll to the bottom of them, (the first one today is titled "It's an interactive one today") they'll make more sense that way, oh and don't forget to comment!
Thanks! You're so pretty!


Did I just call Donald Trump narcissistic?


I rule!

Stanford Mall.

Adam and I went to the Stanford Mall. It was most amazing. One of my favorite stores was the Louis Vitton store.
The pretty bags.
The amazing shoes.
I fell in love with a pair of the shoes. I want them. Then I checked the price (which was on the sole just like any other shoe store- go figure) $500.

I wonder how much I could get for a kidney?

The Apprentice

I just watched The Apprentice and I was mad at the final descion. I was even talking to the TV. Then, I had a thought. I* own a little piece of the internet so I can say something there, it's a little more responsive than the TV, so this is clearly the place to make my opinion avalible.
The dude who was fired tonight shouldn't be fired. I think that Donald Trump is narcissistic and doesn't listen to people. He just yells and interrupts. If he would just apply some of the rules that we all learned in the sand box as children he might learn something to make him an even better business man. I think Brian had some vaild points, that Charmane and Tarek didn't warrent being brought into the boardroom because they did all that they could do. A large reason that they weren't ultimatly successful was because they needed more help, and the 2 men that he did bring into the boardroom didn't contribute. I personally don't think that Lee should have been there, but Lenny didn't contribute at all, and when he did his contrubutions were stupid.
In conclusion I think that Brian was fired because he stood up to Donald Trump and The Donald can't have someone prove him wrong.
I think Donald Trump has a lot to learn, maybe he should spend some more time in a sand box.
Also I think that Carolyn and Bill are horrible yes men, and should both sprout a back bone. In my mind right now they are hideous creatures all bend over speaking with a raspy harsh voice, scuttling around, repeating, "Yes Master, Yes Master."

Not that I have an opinion or anything.

My First Meme.

Kim sent me this today, and rather than email it back to her, I thought that I should immortalize it here.

Four jobs you have had in your life:
1. Loan Officer
2. ESL Teacher
3. AuPair
4. Office Manager

Four movies you would watch over and over:
1. Gone With The Wind
2. Dirty Dancing
3. Center Stage
4. Save the Last Dance

Four places you have lived:
1. Okanagan Valley
2. South Korea
3. Manchester, England
4. Mountain View, California

Four TV shows you love to watch:
1. Sunday Night Cartoons
2. Reality TV (I can't choose just one, ie. Apprentice, Survivor, Fear Factor....)
3. Sex and the City
4. Friends

Four places you have been on vacation:
1. New York
2. Montreal
3. Vancouver
4. Japan

Four web sites I visit daily:
1. Dooce (You all should check her out, it's hella funny, and she has the occasional sound byte of her daughter, and she supports her family with her blog!)
2. Underwear Drawer (Life of a Anethesia Resident living in New York with her Husband, dog and son)
3. Hotmail
4. A bunch of other "Mommy Blogs" which make me squirt milk out of my nose because they are so funny.

Four of my favorite foods:
1. Sushi
2. My new favorite is watermelon with lime sqeezed on and honey drizzled over it.
3. Kim Bap, which is Korean sushi, so good....
4. ice cream!

Four places I would rather be right now:
1. Playing with Tessa
2. Skiing
3. Home
4. In New York with tickets to all of the broadway shows, I really want to see Wicked.

Four friends I am tagging that I think will respond.....

It's an interactive one today.

So today at the gym I was all proud of myself. I'll tell you why, but first I want you to try. Note to all of my pregnant friends, firstly, I'm happy for you!! Second, don't do this at home, or work ladies, I don't want to be responsible for flat headed babies!
Movin' on to the demonstrantion, find some floor space that is near the computer which is big enough for you to lay streched out in. If there isn't a spot clear, then clear one, because obviously you need to clean anyhow! I'll wait.
Ok moving on.... Assume the position, on your stomach face down. Then come up on your elbows, forarms on the floor, elbows under your shoulders. Now your feet, place them in the push-up position, ie on your toes. Now elevate your body, you are making your body flat, like a plank. And hold. For a minute. You'll make some noises, and sweat a lot, you might even fart and pretend you didn't, but keep holding! If you can do it for a minute, either you are amazing, or you are doing it wrong. Anyhow today I did it for a minute! If you listen really carefully you will hear the fan fare blaring. Now I'm not saying that I am amazing, but I have been working so hard, so very very hard. And my trainer, Killer Julie, says that 30 seconds is good, 45 is great and 60 is excellent. Now I have to be able to do it with one foot off the floor. Sigh, that's why I am reveling a little. (Oh and I may or may not have let out a little uhhh.... extra air shall we say.... Dude it's HARD!)

Everyone comments how great it would be to not work. It's great and all, I get to take courses for fun and go to the gym when it's not full of meatheads. However there are some disadvanteges. Holding the isoabs (see above) for 60 seconds is a highlight for me. I've also started watching Full House at 3pm. (That little Michelle... so cute.) It's bad people, bad... but that's ok, cause I get to see Tessa soon, yay!