About forever ago....

This is an exerpt from my old blog... It is from when I was living in a small mostly Catholic farming town in Alberta. I didn't fit in.

2005-01-24 - 9:10 a.m.

So early in the morning, well it's early to me. I am at work and I still hate it here. I feel really isolated in this butt fuck town. I know I've felt isolated before in Taegu, Korea and Manchester, England. However in Korea there was this amazing culture that was so rich that I never was without something to see or do, and it was crazy easy to meet people there. If they were Korean they wanted to talk to me casue I could speak English or casue they wanted to touch my skin or hair, in anycase I was instantly liked. Or if I saw someone who was caucasian it was easy to talk to them, ice breakers were so simple, "So where ya from and which school are you working for, and how long have you been here?" or in England, man the accents were enough to keep me satisfied. But here? Its a giant cultural void, granted there is the Ukranian culture, but they are so elitist here that you can't really learn about it easily, "you're an outsider blondie, and you're single, you're not married, no kids! ahhh you're not cathilolic, run shorty run, you're gonna taint us all with your lack of morals, and what's this working stuff, you should be popping out babies." So anyhow there is no rich culture (that is easily accesable by me) there is no amazing accent and there is no one to have drinks with, everyone here is crazy old, or if they are my age I have nothing in common with them. A conversation with Jane Blow from Vegreville:
Me: Hi how are you?
Jane: Me?, I'm fine...
Me: my name is Deadra and yours?
Jane: Jane.
Me: Nice to meet you Jane, so what do you do?
Jane: I'm a housewife.
Me: Oh wow do you have children? How old are they?
Jane: 4 and 6.
Me: Oh so what are they like, I love kids, I"m sure that I will have them some day.
Jane: They're ok. Do you go to church?
Me: Church, no I wasn't raised with it, so I don't know much about religion.
Jane: (Severe look of disgust) Really? (backing away slowly like I biohazard signs all over me)You know I really have to be going... my husband needs to have his lunch made/ pillows fluffed/ underwear ironed.
Me: Ok have a nice day.
Jane: *gone*
SO anyhow that's about it... I'm a freak here, no one can talk to me casue I might infect them with my worldly ways. AND to make matters worse this bloody town is so sleepy that they don't ever want to change anything so my work is crazy slow so i can't learn what I have to so I can get out of here faster. RAR.
have a nice day!

I'm ALIVE!!!

So I made it to Canada, and now I am in Calgary. The total drive was 28 hours. Luckily I had a book on tape and I have listened to it a lot, so the drive didn't seem that bad. I wonder what Adam will think about having another book on tape on the way down. I'm not sure that he will like the book that I have chosen.
It's a little strange to be here, I'm not really on Californian time, but I am in stuck in the Californian summer. It's warmer there, so I didn't pack any jackets. And it's lighter longer here, so I am not guaging the time of day well. It gets dark here around 10ish, so at 9:30 when it's still light out I internally am thinking 7:30 becasue that was what it was for me a week ago. I should get a watch apparently.
I had my 1st shower on Saturday and it was great fun, and the pictures should be frightening... they made me have a tissue paper dress all decorated with all of the ribbons from all of the presents. Yikes, it was scary.... All in all it was fun, Thanks, France!
Well I am not very witty and a little headachy, so I will have to come back later to dazzle you all.
have a good day!

On Being Canadian in the USA.

I was just reading a blog that I love to read, but I rarely do because I can't read just one of her posts. She is an amazing writer and it makes me thing. I just read one of her posts that did just that. I'll explain. She has several children and her oldest is just about to turn 18 and he got a form in the mail, that was red white and blue. And she didn't elaborate. So I read the comments and someone asked what it is. It seemed that everyone knew and were really sympathetic. Apparently here when a boy turns 18 he has to send all of his info in to the government in case there is ever a draft. Also the military can then know where to send all of their propaganda. I was shocked to read this. I never researched whether or not the US still did this, I find it to be barbaric and cruel; espcially in a country that brags about it's freedoms. Isn't this taking away a freedom? Sure it can be argued that the government is essentially protecting freedoms. But really, are they? I don't think that the US government really knows what freedom is, and the same goes for most of the public. We can see the lack of understanding now when the people that are pro-Iraqi war insist that all of the troops are fighting for their country. I don't see that they are fighting for this country, they are fighting for someone's agenda and it's not the Iraqi's.
It seems the more I am here, and learn more about the intracasies of the American culture, the more I realize that I am further left of centre than I though. I have always been proud to be a Canadian; but now, more so than ever.

ARG!!

Ok People sit back and put on some sunglasses 'casue this is gonna be a rant. Why the sunglasses? Well young Grasshopper, you wear ear plugs to protect your hearing and since you are reading this you will need to protect your vision. Hmm where to start, I know lets start with Monday. Wee doo wee doo (the twighlight theme music) We're in a dentist office, I'm whitening my teeth, you know this already. I pay an ungodly amount for teeth one shade whiter. You know this. I go to the gym yesterday (you didn't know this) they have signs all over the gym that some Joe Blow is going to be there rasing some money for the kids (WE MUST PROTECT HE CHILDREN) and to do so he is selling coupons to get your teeth Zoom Whitened (the same as I got) for 70% off. WTF!!! I exclaim loudly for all to hear. I did not just.... Oh yes I did my friends, oh yes I did....
Moving on because I can't think about that any more it's far too traumatic. The wedding. I think I may have mentioned it before. I get married (again) in less than a month. Hmm yes, the wedding. It's not driving me crazy, no not at all.... AHHHH!! Ok so my dear sweet husband/ finacee was supposed to line up the DJ, his brother was supposed to know someone who knew someone or something, I don't know. What I do know is that, as of yesterday we still had no DJ. Yesterday, exactly one month before my wedding. Anyhow I found someone, because I am that good. Crisis adverted. Next I call to confirm the makeup lady to make us up on The Day. Hmm the receptionist has no clue. Enter, The Manager. She has no clue. Cue frantic breathing and faint squeeking noises. AHHH no makeup... on my wedding??? AHHHHH! Oh wait she can "squeeze" us in. YAY, I get to be pretty. Another crisis averted, then I book a bunch of other pre appointments to make sure I am pretty and to make sure that Adam is too. She's happy that she got all of the extra business out of my. Next, email from my sweet cousin, informing me that we can't have the night before slumber party at her house. Now I have no where to stay the night before. Some silly culture says that I can't stay at Adam's. By now I say who cares I will get myself a hotel. I'll need a good sleep anyhow. Next. The week of my wedding? Yes there is the Oil Show in Calgary. Of course there is! Why not. The repercussion of this, no hotel rooms for under $400! YAY nice, and I have people coming from out of town. I want to strangle someone. Next. My headaches are insanly bad. Like Crazy bad. So we go to the doctor. He gives me drugs. I don't like drugs. Hmmm Drugs are bad, hhhmmmm kay? I take them anyhow the pain is worse. I was also sent to a head ache class. Guess what? I don't get migranes, or tension headaches. I get both. Whooo hooo, I am L-U-C-K-Y lucky! Pain meds for migranes aren't good for people who want to have babies, and tension headaches? Fuggedaboutid. Can't do anything. YAY! Suck it up! However when I get back I get to take some courses, like accupressure, biosomethingrather and yoga, and Kaiser has all of these classes so Kaiser isn't completly useless. Oh and they CHARGE you to see a doctor. They call it a co-payment. Really, there's no place like home, there's no place like home.
Well I think that I have ranted enough. I need to find a vet who will give Chachi his shots and not make me hate them in the process like the last vet.
bye!

Yes, I am that good!

I am starting to get a little freaked that the wedding is creeping up and I am not quite ready. Things like, I'm not Paris Hilton skinny, but we knew that wasn't going to happen. Besides she has weird claw toes so we don't want to be associated with her. Also I wanted to make sure that the makeup session for the day was all arranged. So I called them, and they had no record of it. After a small panic attack we arranged it and it's a go! Then I realized that we still don't have a DJ. Ensue next panic attack. I alleviated that by booking one, it's going to be a Vibe House Party! Oh yeah! hee hee hee.... So that's good. Now hair. Sigh. Adam and I have been disagreeing on the hair issue. I want extensions, but he thinks that my hair is pretty enough, but I think that it's too fine and won't hold anything amazing cause it's too short also. So clip in extensions, but they are a little pricey. So here comes the neogotiations. I am getting a slightly shorter set and the smaller set with one extra back piece so that it all fills in. I get to have the great hair, and it's not going to cost my first born! YAY. Itis all coming together, for real! Now I just need to remember where I bought my dress from....

How to procrastinate with reason!

Our house is a full on disaster! Like WW3 hit or something. It's so bad that I am hiding from my kitchen lest it eat me alive because it's somehow created a life of it's own. Adam and I went shopping with Maggie on Saturday and we knew that it was going to be trouble for a couple reasons. First we have been so good we haven't been shopping in ages, so we knew that we were going to end up overdoing it. Secondly Maggie is much bigger than the corvette so it holds a lot more, so we weren't always playing mental Tetris to make sure that everything we bought would fit in the car. Everything fit, and there was room for more. YIKES. And did we shop, and then some. Honestly, there weren't that many splurges. It was stuff like food from Costco and laundry detergent and other groceries from other grocery stores, and then we went to Target. Why hasn't anyone told me about Target? It's like Walmart without the insanity. People were polite, they didn't push you around, it was quiet, it was sane, I LOVED IT!!! It was a little like Zellers, which isn't what I loved, it was how the place was civil. Oh Target, I heart you. Oh do you know who else I heart? Trader Jo's. It's this lovely grocery store, and it's so Californian. Everything is organic and yummy. They have this amazing yoghurt. It's greek style so it's really thick and delish. I've been eating a lot of yoghurt lately. I plan to bring some up to Canada, well I am going to pack it so I can have somthing to eat on the drive. TJ's also sell freeze dried strawberries, which are perfect in the greek yoghurt. I get the plain yoghurt because I like the tang, and I mix in the stawberries, so even though it's all fat free it's still thick and so yummy. Anyhow I yammer on about thick yoghurt. Clearly I am not made for this house wife thing, my house is messy and I am going on about youghurt.
On to the messy house. Sigh, the DOG!!! He does it! He scatters stuff, and he shreds stuff and he just scatters. And the HUSBAND! His clothes are always found in the livingroom! And he never takes his dishes into the kitchen! And he insists on wearing clean underwear everyday! How am I supposed to keep up with laundry like that???? Sheesh, I am going to put a sign in his drawer that says: "time to turn them inside out!" I think then I can slack on the laundry a little more. Also we bought him more underwear this weekend. And in case you care, he's graduated to a medium size! YAY! it's cause his waist is bigger now, he's losing his girlish 12 year old boy figure! Also I think these new underwear will accentuate his nice bum! Ya see there is a reason that I call him melon bum!
Moving on. I went and got my teeth whitened today. I think it's kinda like torture. They put this horrible mouth stretcher in and smear this goo on your teeth and then shine a horribly bright light in your mouth. The worst of it all? My teeth only got one shade lighter. Apparently I wasn't enough of a coffee drinkin', cigarette smokin', boxed red wine drinkin' honkey to get the optimal results. Well I'll know for next time. I'm left with the whitestest smile on their guage and extremly sensitive teeth from the procedure. They say that it will only last for a day, which I hope is true because I think the pain of a home extraction would be less annoying than this sensation.
Now to gripe about the RSVPs. They are coming in. I am convinced that the American postal service hates me; they still haven't delivered the ones to Calgary. I have had a whole slew of my pre-Adam friends decline. They live all over the place and I understand, but I get the feeling that this wedding is going to be more of a get together for Adam's family and friends then a wedding for me. There are all of these people RSVPing that I have never met. Friends of Adam's parents, I'm not sure if Adam even knows all of them. I guess this is what I get for moving all over and making friends everywhere. On the plus side I have lots of people to visit scattered all over the place!
Well I should go and show my kitchen who's boss, plus the tripping on stuff? Highly annoying.
bye!

From a newspaper in Calgary.....

HEADLINE: woman choked in crack attack


Minutes after sharing a crack pipe with a stranger and making a joke about his manhood, a woman says she was choked, court heard yesterday. The woman told the court she agreed to perform a sex act on him for crack and then laughed when he failed to perform. "all of a sudden he took this rope and started choking me from behind".

I miss home.
Tammy showed me this one.
Sigh, nothing like having good friends at home to show you what your missing.
Then I tell them all about the Barbies I see everyday. I regailed Tammy with the bodysuit wearin' Geriatric Barbie at the gym today.

Wedding Planning sucks.

I sent 100 for 150 people and only 25 have RSVPed, and the RSVP date is May 15th, today is May 12th. Am I pissed? Yes! Holy crap people! Weddings are really freekin' expensive it looks like it's not going to happen BECAUSE NO ONE WANTS TO GO!

What I learned watching American Idol.

Elloitt Yamin dresses to the right.

My Weekend, by Deadra Harker- Berkan

I used both names because I am still kinda both for the time. Also a fun aside, there is a private school here and it's called the Harker school. So that means I could be seen as more than some blonde morman. So this weekend: on Saturday I went to scrapbook with a bunch of girls and it was so much fun that I was almost blowing rainbows out my butt! It was nice to meet some girls around here, and their sense of humour is so much like mine that is was nice that I didn't have to completely sensor myself. I still did though. Sometimes too much Deadra can overwhelm people who aren't used to it. Anyhow as it turns out they all work for the same company as Adam. That was a little surreal, but so true to my life as it seems.
Sunday Adam and I went to SanFrancisco and we went to the Japanese tea garden and China Town. The tea garden was so pretty and zen like. When I have a year of my own I want to have a little zen garden in the corner and that will be all of the gardening that I will be doing. I don't think that I have inherited my dad's green thumb, and I'm not to worried about that. I can design a garden, but I’ll have to have someone else do all of the upkeep! China Town was as awesome as always. I bought some cool stuff and saw so many things that I want. I got Tessa the most adorable outfit for the rehearsal dinner, she's going to be so cute. Then we went and took Maggie down Lombardy street. Adam had to break her in, except someone around us had really squeaky breaks and I am going to keep telling myself that it was the guy in front of us, not behind us! Then we came home like little old married couple and relaxed 'cause we were tired.
Yesterday I went to the dentist and nothing spectacular happened. And I made a roast. Wow I live an amazing riveting life. To really live it up, I used garlic. I put it in the roast. Like cut holes and put the garlic in the roast. I know, it's astonishing, isn't it. The sheer craziness of it is overwhelming. I can't contain myself.
Adam and I joined a board/ strategy game club in San Jose, which firmly roots us in the geek clique of Silicon Valley. Anyhow at the club this one couple asked us if we were Canadian and she based it on Adam's engineer ring and me saying 'sorry'. Apparently Canadians say "sorry" and Americans say "sarry", I said that we say all the letters, and she got all huffy assuming that I was being aggressive, but sigh it was the anthropologist in me coming out, not the snarly girl.... But if I would have explained it more it would have made me look more aggressive so I left it. After all she's been part of a game club longer than me, so that makes her far geekier than I. And that's all we are going to discuss on this topic.
Today I went to the gym. It was hellish, it gets so hot in there, and I sweat so much that I wonder how I don't turn all wrinkled. It's nasty. But there were some amusing people in the gym. There is this one older Chinese lady in there, and she wears a teal body thong suit, over black leggings and white slouch socks. I wonder where she gets the idea that this outfit is remotely proper, but hey, it's something for me to tell you, right? Anyhow she also ties a tea towel around her neck and does a half assed work out. I want to talk to her, mostly to ask why she needs the thong, and how it possibly assists in her work out. There was Anorexic Barbie there today. She was on the bike slowly pedaling away while reading a book, always looking like she just stepped out of a salon, she never broke a sweat and alternated between her book and her vitamin water. It made me laugh. Then after 20 minutes she left, still looking all fresh. But now she can comment that she was at the gym. Oi. Oh and there was me, with my trainer. She made me do one legged squats today. I bet that was amusing to watch. I wibbled and wobbled trying to get my balance centred so that I didn't twist my hips and so I could focus on squatting lower not being balanced. I am sure I was able to contort my face in some good ways. I also had to do pushups with my upper legs on a ball. That was fun, mostly just trying to not smash into the floor. I wish I was like 8 months pregnant. I think that would be a legit reason to not have to go to the gym right?
So I think that sums everything up to today. I made Adam beef stroganoff for dinner and I used yoghurt instead of sour cream and it curdled a little. Adam still ate it, I am going to throw out the rest. I don't like stroganoff anyhow, it's always bland to me. And I made banana bread. I figure if I bake him stuff he won't notice that his clothes are as neatly laundered as when his mother does it. But I hate laundry. I would rather do dishes than laundry! I am going to put a note in the bottom of Adam's underwear drawer that says "time to turn them inside out!".
Also someone from the internet put me on their blog roll. Me! On a blog roll! Yay! HI Lisa!!! if you want to see her site, go to a search engine and type in Random Outlaw, she is a good writer and has a cute little boy!
Oh Adam just got the mail and we got a wedding present! Wow that's kinda weird. But yay. Thanks!!!
Hmm I think that I have jabbered on about enough crazy stuff that I can go away now and not feel guilty that I haven't posted anything on this little bit of the internet that we rent. You know I need to put it all out there so all of the freaky people in the world can know exactly how to stalk me.
But who am I kidding. Who's going to stalk a short blonde geek who lives in Silicon Valley?

cheers, yo!

Cinco De Mayo

Today is Cinco De Mayo, it's May 5th in Spanish. It's a festive Mexican holiday; and before I'd lived here I had never heard of it. It's a day that Mexico celebrates winning a shorthanded battle against the French. So bring out the tequila hombres and hombre-ettes and celebreate!
One of Adam's old friends Don sent an email to everyone explaining today and since I was going to post my own little homage to it, I asked him for his permission to post his instead. It's funny and very Don! So everyone, put your hands together for TWEEDLEDON!!!!
(For those of you who don't know Don, he's a funny funny guy who lived in Montreal and can snap out a witty comment faster than a 12 your old boy can snap a classmates brastrap)
Enjoy!

Happy Cinco de Mayo!

Read all of this to share with me what has become one of the sweetest
days of the year!

And what a great day it is! Cinco de Mayo is a Mexican national
celebration that's gained popularity across North-America as a great
excuse to party, wear oversized hats, and show off your extensive
knowledge of the Spanish language by pronouncing Jalapeño, Burrito and
Con Queso correctly. It's as good a reason as there is to drink
Tequila - or, for the true connoisseur, Mescal. You can't help but
feel a little ahead of the curve when you celebrate this day,
half-expecting Tequila bars to spread like wildfire in the coming
years, finally giving Irish Pubs and St-Patrick's day some much-needed
competition!

On a personal note, any holiday that lets me eat spicy food while
living unashamedly with the gaseous consequences is alright by me. I'm into this celebration more and more every year, and now that I
live in Quebec I have even more reason to celebrate. Read on to learn
why!

You see, I'm guessing a lot of you don't do much to celebrate Cinco de
Mayo, and were probably until now unaware that it's incorrectly
regarded as Mexico's Independence Day (Mexico's real Independence Day
is on September 16, the day in 1810 that Hidalgo decided to strike out
for independence against the Spanish government). The trick, though,
is that most of you have at least heard of it, and know that it's got
something to do with Mexicans and their cool hats, know that it's May
5th, and that it involves parades and parties and general feelings of
solidarity.

Meanwhile, in the smoking section of this great land we call Canada,
none, and I mean not a one, of my coworkers had the slightest sniff
what this day might be. I know, because I asked. Not even the
Spanish-speaking Chilean who's sitting next to me right now in his
festive-peach-coloured shirt had ever even heard of it. Now, Chile is
in every important way much closer to Mexico than, say, Calgary, yet
being a first-generation Quebecker has somehow rid this poor bloke of
his will to know about anything that exceeds the borders of this
province. Incidentally, the festive-peach-shirt-wearing Chilean has
unsurprisingly just scored quite high on a Gay-o-meter test, so I'll
go easy on him for the rest of this rant.

The Quebeckers' ignorance of international (or even inter-provincial)
matters should come as no surprise to anyone who's been paying
attention to what I've been saying about them for the past few years. Linguistic barriers, a culture of apathy, and a healthy dose of
inbreeding have led to a certain proud ignorance which I find
particularly grating. As a result, I've taken it upon myself to
educate the cretins - I've installed a festive Cinco de Mayo poster,
I'm wishing everyone a happy celebration, and I'm patiently explaining
to anyone who cares to listen that it's a Mexican national celebration
that's spread across North-America, and is a great reason to party. I've been met with some open curiosity (a very good sign!), but mostly
what I get is disdain - one person even saying (in French) "Is that a
Quebec holiday? No?" and walking away like anything but an official
Quebec-Nazi-Government-Approved holiday was unworthy of her time.

Still, I feel that my time is not wasted, for the curious few who have
shown some interest give me hope. I feel that if I had a Mariachi
Band and Tequila girls I might have an easier time of it, but then
education was never supposed to be easy. And with regards to the
ignorant many who scorn Cinco de Mayo - as though mere knowledge of
its existence might grow like a cancer in their brains, eventually
defeating them like the British defeated their ancestors on the very
plains where they celebrate their deluded "National" holiday every
year - I can take one final bit of joy.

You see, Cinco de Mayo isn't Mexico's Independence Day, but it has,
from my point of view, just as much significance. In 1862, Emperor
Napoleon III tried to invade Mexico, sending 6500 French soldiers to
march on Mexico City. On May 5th, 1862, in an event which must have
resembled the battle on the Plains of Abraham 103 years earlier, the
Mexican General Ignacio Zaragoza led his ill-equipped militia of 4500
men against the French, and won! And that's what Cinco de Mayo
celebrates!

The poster above my desk resonates in my mind like a sweet bell of
truth - so take that you cheese-eating surrender-monkeys!

RIP

2005-2006 Flames hockey season....

18 Months

Since Adam and I met. Sometimes I think that it's been forever, and other times I think that it hasn't been a long time. I have a distinct line in my mind, pre Adam and post Adam. It's funny how the mind works. Anyhow I don't have any silly jokes to make. I just wanted to point it out. Adam isn't big on anniversaries. He says that it's just another day. I need to find the romance stick and beat him with it, but in any case, I'm thankful for the past 18 months.

I heart TV.... sometimes.

I watched American Idol tonight and while Taylor was singing his first song I commented to Adam that he should sing at our wedding. How fun! Then grumpy judge said that he sounded like a bad wedding singer. But I don't think he's bad, I don't know if he will win, but I think that he should sing at our wedding. Speaking of weddings, apparently Star Jones talked about hers so much that she got all of this free stuff. I thought that I should try that too. So all of the companies out there.... if you give me stuff for my wedding, I will mention you in our program and I will gush about you on here. As you will see in previous comments that I have a lot of readers. I had 5 comments in one day! FIVE!! It's like I'm a superstar or something. Surly that qualifies for something free huuh? Let me know, 'kay? I can be reached at tweedledea@thetweedles.net
well everyone I am still all sick so I am going to go and die for a little while.

House Training 101

SO I was worried that I was going to fail this class in a ball of flames. But, but, I have had a reprive! The puppy? He DOES NOT MISS HIS PEE PADS! YAY... however he has developed some other habits that are sick. So rather then get into the detials I will just tell you the solution. We have been squirting chili sauce on his little logs. It seems to have solved the problem. The funny part though, was seeing his reactions when he sniffed the sauce.
Moving on.
Did you see how many people love me. I had 5 comments on my last post. Granted one was from Adam so it can't count as much, but hey. (You know since I see him all the time)
Anyhow this is a short non-funny post because I feel like ass, and I don't know how to make the air conditioner work, so it's hotter than hell in here.
But I didn't want to dissapoint my legions of fans.
cheers, y'all

According to the State of California...

I am fully legal now licenced to drive here. Yay. I had to take the learners test and the drivers test all over. Although there are a lot of similarities between here and home, there are some differences. Like, did you know that you can be fined $1000 and a possibe six months in prison if you hit an animal and just leave it? Hmm bet you never thought of that. Or did you know that if you are caught driving while drunk, they won't take your licence there and then. These were 2 of the questions that I got wrong on the written test. Then on the drivers test I only got a few demerits and it was because I inched into the intersection to look before I went. It's legal to park right on the corner here, making it hard to see, so you have to stop at the line, wait 3 seconds, the creep out. So I'm not saying that this is a little FUBAR, but ya know...
Moving on.
The sun is shining! Finally!!! I went for a hike on Friday and got all sunburnt, and then on Saturday Adam and I went to Paramount's Great America Park and rode the rollercoasters. It was fun and some were really scary. Adam got a great laugh out of my screaming.... But they were scary!
Anyhow today is delurking day. That means if you read this you must comment!
have a nice day!