3 month Newsletter

Dear Hudson,
Today, sweet boy, you are 3 months old. I remember when Trixie was little I thought that 3 months was such a milestone, the point where you left being an infant and ventured into being a real baby. I find that this is holding true for you too. You've started to show more of your personality, which is mellow and wiggly. Seems like a contradiction, right? But in reality you are a real go with the flow kind of guy. The only time you fuss is when you're hungry or have a wet diaper. Other than that, you take what life dishes you, which is mostly your sister right in your face. Luckily she loves you to pieces and is in your face showering you with slobbery kisses and information about various toys and books. She loves to show you things and I often hear "Yook Huh-son, yook!", and you oblige and look.
You've perfected your smile, which is pretty open mouthed, but you have the smiling with your eyes down. You are a great smiler. And recently you've started to giggle which is lovely. I find that you giggle the most in your sleep though, which is amusing.
This month we went to New Zealand so you could meet your Nana and Papa and you had a great time. The flight there and back was a breeze for you. Mostly you slept and ate, you spent some time flirting with the people around you, which amused me. I can see the fear in their eyes when they realize that they're seated next to a baby for a 13+ hour flight, but at the end of both flights I had a lot of compliments on what a "good"baby you were. (Trixie was a good toddler too, I"m such a lucky Mama.)
While in New Zealand you had a growth spurt and needed to eat a lot, so the stash of formula we took with us ran out sooner than we liked, luckily they have formula over there too! Now that we're home you've slowed down your consumption and are back to your 4 ounce bottles. Also you've gone the way of your sister and seem to have a dairy sensitivity. You are a super puker. Oh boy, there's a reason Daddy and I call you a Cheesy Boy, you produce lots of good quality cheese!
Also this month you've really started to study your hands and sometimes you'll notice your feet, but they're not nearly as interesting as your hands. When you are playing with your activity centre, you've started to purposely grab for the dangling toys to make them rattle or wrinkle. I suspect that soon you'll start holding things which will be nice!
You love to look around and are quite a people watcher, although you're not so fond of loud places, they stress you out a lot.
You are happy to be worn, but after our trip you're a little burned out on being worn too much, after all you were worn for a week straight when we were in Australia. I'm going to be happy when I can wear you on my back so I can get more chores done. You love to be held and are a mama's boy, so I sometimes find it challenging to get laundry folded when you are awake and want to play. Which is fine, playing with you is much more fun than folding laundry!
A week ago you had your 2 month check up, (which was late) and you are 30th percentile for weight (13 lbs) and 70th for length (24 inches), so right now you are long and skinny, we'll see what happens at your next check up, I know that these things change up a lot.
Your sleep is good. You sleep a solid 7 hours in a row at night, but you have to be swaddled to get this much sleep, other than that you wiggle yourself awake. You fall asleep best when you get to nurse to sleep and will reject a bottle to nurse, which warms my Mama heart.
My sweet boy, I am so in love with you, and I am so grateful for you!
love Mama.

26 Month Newsletter

Dear Trixie,
Today you are 26 months old!
The past month has been another busy one, with us adding more stamps to your passport! We went to New Zealand so Nana and Papa could meet Hudson. Then we went over to Australia so spend some time with one of Daddy's friends who's there to get his PhD in underwater robotics.
In New Zealand you had a great time with Nana and Papa. You enjoyed having a yard to play in and grandparents at your beck and call. We went to see lots of animals and you amazed us with your fearlessness as you were surrounded by sheep and llamas.
While we were there we celebrated Easter and you had a great time decorating eggs with crayons (becasue we couldn't find egg dying kits, let alone white eggs). The egg hunt consisted of a few "hidden" candies and eggs and mostly eggs and candies scattered on the floor for you to pick up. You had a great time, but the best part for you was following the "hunt" when I let you eat as many as you could shove in your mouth for a couple minutes. You had a great time, and we paid for it later when the sugar crash hit. Luckily you didn't get sick from all of the sugar that night and it didn't seem to lower your immune system for the rest of our travels.
In Australia we did lots of walking around and we got to the point where you refused to walk and insisted that Daddy carry you everywhere. This was a little trying, but we still had a great time. We went to the aquarium, the zoo and another wildlife place. You were in heaven seeing animals nearly every day!
People often ask how I was able to travel with a toddler and an infant and I always answer that you and your brother are so well behaved and happy children. Which is mostly true. You did have some hiccups along the way, we felt the effects of not sleeping in our bed and not being home in your familiar surroundings, but I think you did really good considering. We'll still do more travelling with you and your brother. We all had a great time.
Your vocabulary grew this month to include words like crocodile, kangaroo and "ANIMALS!" Your eating was sporadic, but I think it's more that we were on vacation and you didn't care to eat, or were too sleepy. So there isn't much to comment on that, although today you discoverd queso fresco and demanded a lot of it. Yesterday you asked for your own bowl of icecream "mine own icecream pwease" and you ate much of it, but today you suffered for it. I guess your little digestive system still doesn't like cow's milk, in any form. (except yogurt, you tolerate yogurt fine, yay for probiotics!)
You continue to show lots of affection for your brother. I sometimes worry that you're showing too much, because you can be a little rough, but it's all because you love him, and I can't get angry at you for that.
Now that you're two months into the "terrible twos", I am starting to see why it's called that. I'll never declare that you're terrible, but you do test your boundaries and have developed this lovely habit of selective listening. So to define boundaries we have you spend some time in a corner. I know that some people will doubt that you'll go to a corner when told, but you do. You may not stay in it as long as I'd like, but you go. We're working on it. But you are a good girl, and I am awfully lucky to have you!
I think you're really close to being properly potty trained during the day. In a showing of independance you don't go on your potty when I ask you, rather you wait until you want to go and you go on it. We haven't had an accident in a long time, but you do still spend some time in diapers. Sometimes I have to remind myself that you were potty trained at one time, but you opted to go back to diapers when you learned to walk, finding the potty to be too much time spent sitting still.
We're still cosleeping with you at night. You love to curl up against Daddy's or my backs at night and play with someone's hair. You would love to cuddle Hudson all night, but I worry that you're not aware of him enough to not suffocate him, so he sleeps on the other side of me, but in the mornings you get to spend some time with him. You'll cover him in kisses and be so happy that he's there.
I haven't talked about our morning routine much, but we've developed a fun one. After you wake up and wake up everyone else, we generally let you watch 20 minutes or so of TV so we can wake up, then you go and brush your teeth with Daddy, then you get a sticker for your "chart" and then you shower with Daddy, who, when done will get out, leave you in the shower and I'll join you so you get an extra long shower. You play with your ducks and letters in the shower and take pride on sitting on the drain so that the shower stall fills with water until Daddy or I scoot you off so that the water won't overflow. After the shower Daddy dries you off, you run about naked, laughing like a crazy girl then you ask for a pretty dress when we decide what you're going to wear. I do your hair and we go downstairs for breakfast. It's a longer routine than most I guess, but it's fun and you're happy for it. I used to worry that daily showers (and some baths at night) would dry out your skin, but it seems that you have oily skin like your daddy. We don't wash your hair every day, maybe only once every other week, but it gets wet down every day, I need it wet to help control your crazy curls!
All in all we have lots of fun with you.
You're such a delight.
love ,
Mama.

2 Months

Dear Hudson,
Today you turn 2 months old! We're celebrating your birthday by going to a Hangi in New Zealand! So technically today is the day after you turn 2 months since we lost a day on the trip over. But it's your 2 month birthday at home.
This past month has been fast! You've learned how to smile and you are a little stingy with them, but when you give them they are glorious! Just yesterday you found your hands and studied them for about 20 minuites.
You like to lay in your activity centre for about 5 minutes then you are all about the mama. It's sweet that you are so attached to me, we do a lot of babywearing so that I can get some things done.
You love to talk to me, and give me lots of coos and gurgles, and this is when I can best get a smile from you. Trixie loves to talk to you too, and you seem to enjoy her, you'll give her your attention and you don't seem to mind when she slathers you with kisses.
You're an awfully patient guy and only fuss if you're hungry, have a wet diaper or are too tired to put yourself to sleep. Luckily I can remedy all of these situtaions and you are back to your normal happy self.
Being as you're only 2 months old there isn't much to mention in your development and daily life. But my sweet little Mr. Mister, I love you so much! I say often how lucky I am to have your sister, but I am just as lucky to have you. Always know that you were worth all of the trouble we went to concieve you. You were worth every last needle, surgery and crazy making drug. I would have done it 100 times over, just to have you. I love you so much my sweet boy.
love,
Mama.

25 month newsletter

Dear Beatrix.
Today you are 25 months old, and I guess a lot of people would think that it's silly that I'm still counting your age in months, but I laugh at them and say at least I'm not counting your age in weeks!
This month you've been busy working on being a big sister and you've been doing a wonderful job. You've shown no jealousy towards Hudson, mostly you just want to hug and kiss him and do anything to be physically close to him. I feel bad that I have to pull you away from him so much, but he needs to breathe. I try to involve you in caring for Hudson, you like to "burp burp" him and you're an expert drool wiper and pretty good at wiping away spit up too. If I'm busy and he's fussing I can ask you to sing to him and you will, often an adorable rendition of Twinkle Twinkle or Happy Birthday. He's a lucky boy!
We've been working on the alphabet this month. You love to sing it, and have made up your own version which has a more direct route to zed. (We say zed, not zee.) ABC-QRS-Y-Zed. I bought you some foam letters which you play with in the shower. You like to stick them on the walls and group them by colour. You are getting good at identifying the letters though, and scoff at the numbers. However, you insist that 6 is 9 and are happy that the set has two 9s. (Which seems to be your favourite number.)
With your eating, I've realized that you are a social eater, you eat best when in a group. I'm seeing more and more how your personality is affected by your eating. The days you eat less you're a little more obstinate, so I'm learning how to get you to nibble on more things to keep your blood sugar up and you in a better mood! Of course you will always eat your body weight in berries, you love strawberries and blueberries and of course they both have some negative after effects. You favourite veggies this month were broccoli (but only the flower part) and carrots. You still love to dip everything so I work on making healthy dips for you, with hummus being your favourite. In the future look for some homemade ketchup and some pestos! A fun addition to your diet has been meat, you seem to love meatballs, so I make sure that I make them frequently for you. Today you happily ate up some dried figs calling them meatballs, and you would not let me call them figs.
You language continues to grow much faster than I ever anticipated. You can speak in full sentences and I love seeing you converse with your friends in sentences. It's like you're little people, not just babies anymore! It's pure craziness!
I love to listen to you have conversations with your dolls and toys, or just your running commentary on life around you. And you sing! A lot! If I wasn't already positive that you were a child of mine your made up songs prove it. I love how you just sing along to whatever is going on in your head. It's something your Daddy and I know you got from me.
Right now you are all about dresses and when I ask you what you'd like to wear you still answer with "pwitty dwess". And I love how in your pretty dress you will get down on the floor and play cars with your little boy friends.
This month you have entered the so called "Terrible Twos", I'm finding you are a stubborn child, but I notice that along with your stubbornness you can be reasoned with. I don't think you're terrible at all. I think you are a toddler who's just gone through a pretty intense life change, getting a new sibling and learning all about the world around you. Granted you try and test me as much as you can, but it's okay. I'm learning too. I'm learning how to pass your tests and still keep my sanity. We're working though it, and we're still as attached as ever. At night you sleep as close to me as you can get, and whenever you have a couple moments of down time during the day you make sure your sitting next to me or on me if I'm not holding Hudson. I love how you will just come and take your time with me when you feel you need it. I will always be available to you and I love you impromptu cuddles and loves.
I love you!
love Mama.

The Birth of Hudson George

Hudson was born at 8:14 am January 28, 2010, but my labour started at 5 am January 27 at 5am. If you do the math that's 27 hours. It was a long day.
Wednesday morning I woke to a popping feeling in my uterus, which I wrote off as the baby kicking because often when he kicked I would hear and feel a pop, like when you crack your knuckles. I figured it was my pelvis or something clicking. My midwife assured me it was normal, not common but okay. So I just assumed the popping was him clicking. Then about 5 minutes later, (after I shifted positions a little) I felt some gurgling in my abdomin. I thought perhaps I had some indigestion, and waited to see how I felt. I waited, more gurgling. Then I noticed some dampness, again I didn't think it was much. Then I noticed more... putting two and two together I jumped out of bed and bounded to the bathroom doing the tightest keigle I could manage. Once I hit the tile floor (3 steps from my bed) there was a giant splash and I took the final step to the toilet. Once sitting I screamed for Adam to wake up, telling him my water broke. He jumped out of bed and came running to me and we confirmed that I my water had indeed broken, all over the bathroom floor. Adam went and found some towels to sop up the mess, I wiped up some with white toilet paper to check the colour, which was a lovely clear colour.
After we cleaned up the mess Adam went back to bed and I tucked a hand towel between my legs and went back to bed too. Trixie woke up a briefly, but we gave her a bottle and she went back to sleep. At 5:30am I had my first contraction, then had another 3 minutes later, and another 3 minutes later, each lasting 45-55 seconds each. By now I was convinced I was going to have a baby on the 27th and was trying to not get too excited and get some sleep. At around 7am I called my doula and midwife* to let them know what had happened. My midwife was going to send her appretice over to see me, and she arrived around 10 am, she listened to the baby's heart, told me to drink some water, eat something with protien and to rest. Around the same time a good friend came over and took Trixie to a near by indoor playground, she also brought me a protien shake. I continued to labour at home for a few more hours with regular contractions.
At around 3 or so my doula suggested that we go for a walk to help get things going since my contraction had started to slow down. I was exhausted and took a small nap first with Trixie. When we woke up less than an hour later we got ready to go for a walk, and I changed the cloth diaper I had stuffed in my pants to absorb the amniotic fluid. At this time I noticed it was tinged greenish brown. I figured it was just bloody show, perhaps reacting with the cotton of the diaper and we went for a good long walk, which triggered a lot of strong contractions. When we got back from the walk I changed the diaper again since I could feel it was rather sodden, and I noticed more green/ brown fluid. At this time I called my midwife who was already on her way. While we waited for her to arrive I sat on my fit ball bouncing a little between contractions to help them out. Trixie insisted she bounce too so Adam went and found her the small fit ball so she could sit on it and bounce like Mama. With each contraction I would stand up and rock myself to help with pain. Trixie also would stand and bend 45 degrees at the waist, hold her back and say "oh baby, oh baby". She really helped with pain mangement. Adam would rub my back and Trixie would rub my leg. They were a great labour team. Around 7pm my midwife arrived and I showed her the diaper with the stain and shes said it was likely meconium and I should go to the hospital. So I called the hosptial and spoke with the head nurse on the maternity ward, who also urged me to come in. Then after my inital shock and disapointment at another failed homebirth we called up our friend again who came and took Trixie to her house for an extended playdate/ sleep over. After they left Adam bustled around gathering things for the hospital bag because we didn't have one packed. Then we left for the hospital, close to 8 pm. The drive there was horrible, every bump was agonizing and I had what felt like 4,000 contractions, and since I was in a car I couldn't move to help them, all I could do was angle myself in the seat so I was kind of standing and beg Adam to drive faster.
Once at the hospital I cured the bad layout for having the elevators to the 3rd floor so far away from the entrance. Finally on the 3rd floor we reach the very far away maternity ward and go to check in, but despite calling to let them know I was coming in I was asked to wait in the waiting room. I was livid. I was in active labour, with regular contractions and mec in the fluids, and I had to wait, in a full waiting room of other families waiting to hear of a birth. Finally I was allowed to talk to the receptionist who put me in observation, and had me pee in a cup. Still not impressed and in labour I peed in the cup and notice that there was vernix in the cup. At close to 8:30pm a doctor comes to see me, and tells me that she knows my regular doctor, which lets me know that she knows that I was planning a homebirth. She's kind and doesn't give me a hard time at all. As she's checking my records for "one more thing" I tell her I'm GBS negative and she's shocked that I would know to tell her that. I bite my tounge about being my own advocate and we wait for a nurse to tell us which room we'll be moved to. At the same time my midwife is told she has to leave the maternity ward becasue she has her 2 month old baby with her and she's too close to being a newborn to be allowed on the ward. My midwife is upset and waits in the waiting room for my doula to arrive.
At around 9pm we are taken to the delivery room and I'm given a hep lock and they do blood tests for something. I notice the nurse manages to get my blood everywhere and it will annoy me for the rest of my labour and hosptial stay. My doula arrives and we talk about how I've had another homebirth fail and she reassures me that it's okay, and we're doing the best thing for the baby. I agree, but I"m still sad. My contractions are regular and strong, I'm don't need to vocalize through them, but I do need to lean on Adam and rock through them. After strapping the baby monitor on me the nurse can't find and keep the heartbeat on the monitor, so she sits next to me holding it to where the baby is for a couple of hours. I"m glad that she's so dedicated, but I hate being tethered to a person like that.
For the next couple of hours nurses and doctors come and go, I have lots of contractions and I wait. I start to lose track of time and I can only remember events, not time. (for the most part)
Soon the doctors start talking about wanting to put a monitor in my uterus to see how strong my contractins are since I've only dilated to 4 cms, adn I've been at the hospital with regular contractions for a ocuple of hours. I hesitate on the monitor because I feel it will start a string of interventions and I want to avoid that. Finally I agree to having one after it's mentioned to me that if I stay at 4 cms too long that I'll be at a greater risk for a c-section. The monitor lets the doctors know that I am having strong contractions, and they should be dilating me, but they are not. The nursing shift change happens and I get a new nurse who's had 4 natural births herself and is an advocate of everything I want, which is nice. No one ever gave me a hard time for my birth plan, but it was nice to have someone on the staff who agreed with my choices.
Around now the doctors come back and suggest pitocin. I decline. I do not want pitocin, I had a hard time with it during Trixie's birth and I don't want to go through that again. I opt to let my body do the work. The baby is doing fine and everyone agrees that it's okay for me to wait. We wait. I have many more contractions and I question if I can do this. My doula tells me that if I question it, that means I can do it. It's when I can't do it anymore and declare myself done is when I am done. This makes perfect sense to me and I buckle down and put a lot of energy into my contractions and getting through them. It's about now that I get mad at them and really start to breathe hard into them, really leting lots of anger at them flow, and it makes them easier to handle. I still ask if I can do it. My doula tells me that I need to get out of my own head, I need to stop being so polite to everyone, including the doctors and let hte labour take me over. I ask her what I could think about, since I've always focused on pain to get though it. She guides me on a relaxing sequence and I have a whole bunch of contractions envisioning each one as a wave washing over me. I manage to sit through about 5 without saying anything. But they have started to slow down and get less intense.
Enter the doctors, again. There's a lot more talk of pitocin or a c-section, it's been about 2.5 hours since the last talk of pitocin. I agree to it only if I have an epidural. It's about 3am, i've been in labour for 22 hours. The nurse whom I love suggests that an epidural will help me to relax and that my body might finish dilating (I'm still at 4cms). So I get one. I am the most devistated I've been in a long time. I feel like the ultimate failure. Everyone tells me that labouring naturally for 22 hours is a feat, but I still feel let down and upset that my body failed me. I get the epidural and a cathedar, and I'm now bed ridden. I seem to be lucky and got a good anethesiologist who gives a perfect dose and I am able to move my legs and adjust my position mostly myself. I can still feel my contractins some, but they are really mild and I rest. Adam naps and my doula goes for a walk. At around 5 am I'm checked for dilation and I'm at 6 cms. The nurse comes back a couple more times to check me and help me shift positions and there is much resting. At around 7 I'm checked agina and I am fully dilated, and the nurse shift changes and I get a new nurse. My doula comes back from her walk/ snack break and we set everything up for me to start pushing. Since I'm all numb I can't stand and squat so I start pushing from my side. At about 7:40ish I'm told to push for a 10 count, which was a little annoying, but it gave me something to focus on. I do some pushes and then the nurse comes back and tells me to stop since she needs to get the doctor since the baby's head is nearly out. A doctor comes in and I push again, then on the next one I'm told to just push a little, which I find to be amusing. I try to hold back, and then next thing I know I have a crying baby on my chest. He cries for a long time, but it's a good cry. The doctor waits for the cords to stop pulsing and then she instructs Adam where to cut it. My doula tells me that the cord looks good, and I can tell that the baby is a good size, much bigger than his sister. Shortly after the cord is cut the placenta comes out and I ask the doctor if I can see it and she promises me that she'll show it to me before she leaves.
After the placenta is born the doctor checks me out and I have 2 second degree tears, one into my peinium and one up to my urethra. It takes her over an hour to stitch me up and during ths time the baby is weighed and measures. He's 7 pounds 5.3 ounces and 20 inches long. Adam and I haven't settled on a name for him yet. It's about now that the nurse tells me that I don't have a record if I am HIV posituve or not. I tell her that I am negative, that I had a test when I was pregnant with Trixie. She tells me that since I declined the test this time (I did because I knew I was negative, I didn't see the purpose in taking it again, it would just cause someone more work) I have to do it again. If I declined it then they would test the baby. I told her that there is no way I could have gotten HIV, since I am married in a monogomous relationship and I am not an IV drug user. She insists that she takes my blood or she'll take the baby's. I'm very upset by this, but Adam suggests that I let her and fight a differnt battle. I decline the eye goo for the baby and allow the vitimin K shot since he has a lot of head molding. (the 3 plates on his head are overlapped and he has a huge swollen spot. )
As the doctor is stitching me up my doula gives me a tour of my placenta, which looked healthy and a good size, which made me happy. There is a large white spot on the bag that is attached to the placenta and I wonder aloud if it's a calcium deposit from all of the tums I ate from my killer heartburn during my whole pregnancy. The doctor looks at it as she's checking out my placenta and says that it could be calcium. I would guess it was about 12 cms across and is rather square.
The baby gets checked out and scored 8 and 9 on his apgars and all is good, we're left to bond and start breastfeeding. A little while later the doctor comes back and tells me that she was wondering about the white spot on my placenta and she went to check my medical record and confirmed what she though. The spot is Hudson's twin, where she absorbed into him. I wasn't sad to learn this, it made me happy to see this, and have his twin acknowledged. However in the days to come it made me sad, not to have seen it, but to realize what's missing. My doula leaves around now, she's had a long night and needs to get back to her family.
After the doctor leaves again we still don't know what we're going to name the baby and Adam and I talk about the choices, finally we settle on Hudson George and we let the people know who need to know.
After a long night in the birthing suite I'm taken to the postpartum ward which is overflowing so I am in the overflow ward which is in the children's part of the hospital, and lucky me I get to share a room. The other lady's baby was born 15 minutes after Hudson and we don't talk. Her whole family and a bunch of friends are there for the whole day and I get little chance to rest, which was not plesant at all.