Feminism

I was reading a blog asking us when feminism meant to us. I choose to respond here rather then a long winded response in her comments.

To me feminism means that I can be who I want to be the way I want to be it. It means that I can express my own version of 'girl power' and not have to shave my head to exhibit such power. It means I can wear a cleavage shirt, skirt and heels and still be a strong woman. It means that I can want to be a stay at home mom and not have to defend my choices. Finally it means that I have every right a man does and every right to not lift heavy objects because I am a girl.

In Cecily's blog she mentions Queen Elizabeth I, I immediately wanted to scroll down to her comments and leave a hearty "HELL YEAH" because I believe that Queen Elizabeth I was the first women in history to exploit her femininity for her benefit. Long before The Spice Girls made "Girl Power" all the rage, Elizabeth started the trend. She used the best kind of girl power and used her sexuality to get what she needed and wanted; now she didn't become a prostitute and use her body to get what she wanted, rather she gently manipulated the men of Spain and France to her own ends. This is why I think she is the mother of feminism because she used what she had to achieve what she needed and she didn't compromise who she was. That demonstrates strength.

Now if we fast forward to now and talk about what feminism is to me in the 21 century I would say it means I can be a strong opinionated woman. When I was working at home I loved that I had a job that was dominated by men and that I was better than a lot of them. I loved that I played a sport also dominated by men. That I was able to beat them at their sport and then have a shower and still wear a skirt and make up and be desired by them. Then I loved that I could shut them down because I knew that I wasn't obligated to any of them, and that I could still feel good about myself and my choices because I never compromised myself or my values. To me this is feminism.

Feminism is also about realizing that men can be held just as accountable for their actions as I am. When I first started dating the American army guy in Korea we slept together the first night and he professed his love for me then. I was a little taken aback and chose to not acknowledge it. As our relationship continued I realized that he was ultimately not the right guy for me and I left him, I moved from Taegu to Seoul, over night without telling him. He called me the next day and I explained to him that I wasn't going to be with a man who treated me so poorly and I wasn't going to languish waiting for him, so I left. He would often call to check in on me and not really say anything, just sit on the line and not talk. Eventually he had the gonads to accuse me of being a slut for sleeping with him on the first night. Without thinking I fired back that he was there too, and that he participated just as much as I did, so if I was a slut, then so was he. It was then that I realized that men should be held just as accountable as me for their actions. Just because I am a girl doesn’t mean that I should have to bear all of the brunt of the wrongdoings in a relationship.

I read an article a while ago written by a woman very similar to myself. She had a job that she worked hard to keep at the top of; she considered herself a modern woman and tried to meet all of the ideals. She had determined though that as soon as she was going to start having children she was going to be a stay at home mom. Whenever she mentioned this she was met with shock and disgust by other women like her who were very career driven. I think that she understood things that they did not, or could not (because their values were different, not wrong just different). I think that she exhibited feminism because she was able to assert herself by choosing a path that could be perceived as being archaic and be strong about it. She could stand up to her peers and demonstrate that SAHMs are just as strong as the corporate woman and deserve just as much respect. She wrote the whole article without ever having an apologetic tone or demeanor. I think that is feminism.

Finally for me, feminism is about embracing my femininity. I am a girl, and if I want to play the role of a damsel in distress I can. I know that there is a conflict with the damsel in distress role and the GI Jane one, but as a woman I can wear many hats. Sometimes I just don't want to carry the heavy bag up the stairs. Why? Because I am a girl.