Up to the Knee!

This is a public service announcement.
I need to let everyone know who comes into contact with me that I have a disease. It's not fatal, and it's not contagious. There are mild side effects for me, and for you if I am suffering from a bout of it when you are near.
I have Pied Dans Bouche, or more commonly known as foot in mouth. I seem to have the more severe affliction of Up To The Kneeitis. And then coupled with this I have the uncommon variation of this disease where it affects me both when I am typing or speaking.
I've had a trying life due to this affliction, but I have persevered and made the best with what I've got. Really I am a story for all the ages. Triumph through persistence. Stories will live on, and I am sure that I will inspire generations to come, to just keep on truckin'.
So today I suffered another attack, this was the type-written sort. The innocent by-standers were the whole of the San Francisco Fog Rugby Football Club. I'll explain:
The Fog are very sophisticated in their ability to relay important dates and times to all of the team members, and foster a team spirit off of the field. They use Yahoo! groups to create conversations and what not to keep us all informed and up to date of all on goings. I have been hesitant to post too much through the group forum, I am still a newbie and I don't want to over step my bounds. But today I did it. Just as my Pied Dans Bouche flared up.
One of the men sent out an article detailing how staph infections are on the rise and to make sure that we clean our scrapes and cuts after practices to make sure we don't get any thing since the fields are often covered in goose poo. So I thought I would chime in and I mentioned how one of my friends once got an infection from a goose-pooey field, and the infection settled in her lymph gland in her groin. Then I made the comment, that scrapes and scars are sexy, but pussy ones aren't.
Now if you don't see what was so humiliating, then I LOVE YOU! But I saw it, as soon as it was delivered to my in box and everyone else's in the group. I wanted to die!
So I clarified, I told them I meant puss-ey, like ozzy.
I got a reply, like Ozzy who bites off bat heads?
Again struck by the Pied Dans Bouche!
I clarified again, OOZY. Puss-ey and oozy.
Clearly my toes were tickling my tonsils on that one. Should groin and pussy ever be on the same-ish line, no one will read puss-ey.
I hope that the only side effect that all of the Fog suffered from was a little giggle, which is common when I am chokin' on my knee. I hope they didn't didn't get offended which can happen sometimes too.
The moral of the story children is this: I never mean the dirty version, I always mean the pure version, you know, since I am pure of heart. Unless I mean the dirty version, but then you will know because my face will be red.
And this concludes our public service announcement. Please go back to your regularly scheduled activities.