Baby battles, brought to you by our anal society.
Did you know that Facebook has been removing pictures of women breastfeeding lately? They allow pictures of half naked women in really seductive poses, but they don't like seeing a little boob mostly obscured with a baby's head. A while ago in blog world there was a huge uproar about it and I thought about posting something about it. Then I realized I didn't have the energy to fight it. And even now as I go to my favourite blogs everyday I've noticed that some have little buttons declaring their unhappiness with Facebook. So I can't sweep it under any rugs, I feel like I need to mention it and how it's unfair, that breastfeeding is natural and a really really good thing. But again I don't have the energy.
I do find it funny that people get their panties in such a bunch about breastfeeding and how it should always be hidden. My brother wouldn't allow Tessa's mom to breastfeed anywhere but the bathroom and in the bedroom, which mortified me. But if you knew my brother, you would know not to argue as he's a volitile mofo and it's sometimes better to let it alone. So fastforward to now and I'm getting geared up to breastfeed, quite literally, and I know I will be facing these battles, and I dread it.
Right now I face a similar battle when people ask us if we've chosen a crib or if we know what colour we're going to paint the nursery. Honestly I would love to play along, "we've found the nicest crib and green all green", but in truth, there will be no crib, and no nursery. We're going to co-sleep and the baby will be in our room, in our bed. However I need to be cautious whenever I mention this since I have had the whole range of disapproval from family members, from "it's not reccommended", "you know your older cousin XXX refused to leave her parents room until she was over 5 years old!" and my all time favourite "that's disgusting!" I have come up with replies for all of these responses, "Adam and I have discussed it and it's right for us", "I don't know of any students going to college who still need to sleep with their parents", and "what are you talking about disgusting? Whatever, it's my kid." (The disgusting comment I'm sure was from a parent assuming we'd have sex next to the baby, so to be clear, sex doesn't always have to happen in the bed and at night.)
And here I am now only half way into this pregnancy and I'm tired of this argument. I'm tired of the disapproval, tired of people having no clue what they are talking about, and mostly tired that people are so close minded that they won't even consider that there's another way. I've become good at avoiding the nursery question, or I just answer "green".
So to my friends and family who will be agast at how Adam and I choose to raise our child, go and Google "attachment parenting" and then when you've read and understand we can talk.
To the rest of my friends and family who will just drool over my baby and understand that all parents are different, thank you, and did I mention thank you?
Lisa, I know you're an APer. How did your family react? What did you say when parent XYZ told you that it was wrong?
Oh yeah it's National delurk day. Leave me a comment to say hi!
Labels: Murp, my blog world. parenting
7 Comments:
What?!? Sex doesn't only have to happen in the bed and at night?!? I'm so sheltered.
Dea, I was impossibly lucky. My parents were both really into cosleeping and my mother breastfed me for 6 weeks and my other four siblings for 2-3 years each. So I have never faced disapproval from them at all. R has always been 100% supportive of sleeping with the Moosh and of my breastfeeding him. R's family also approved of breastfeeding and cosleeping so I hit the AP jackpot, quite literally.
As for us, we're still cosleeping with the Moosh, and he's almost 4.5 years old. It works for us.
Those are four little words that will come in handy "It works for us."
Them:
"You know my cousin's son slept with his parents for six years!"
You:
"Wow, we really like cosleeping, too. It works for us!"
Them:
"You can't breastfeed that baby in public! Yuck!"
You:
"Well Murp likes to eat on the go. It works for us!"
Them:
"You can't keep picking her up all the time. She'll never learn to soothe herself!"
You:
"Murp loves to be held. It works for us."
The only advice I have for you is to be confident in your choices. If you know the path you want to follow, you can let those little comments roll right off your back. I'm in a very AP unfriendly area, but I've never had too much trouble with people telling me what to do, because I knew what was right for me.
You are the best parent for your child. Not your mom, or Adam's mom, or your next door neighbor, or the pediatrician. You and Adam are her parents. You make the rules, you call the shots in your own home. So when people start handing out the crap advice, just smile and nod, and think to yourself, "I am her mother, and I will make the best decision for her."
I have the utmost confidence in you!
I agree with Lisa's comments.
I'm emailing you, with more detail, so I don't hijack your board... LOL
Hugs
Good Grief, Moms can be really mean to other moms.
If you think about it though... many moms end up cosleeping with their kids during the night while breastfeeding. For convenience sake. Though I don't plan to be a cosleeper, I wouldn't be surprised if I just keep Sweet Pea in the bed until her next feeding... Hey man, what ever works ya know!
Keep it up! Keep us posted!
Jenny
Hey I know where you're coming from, I'm considering a home birth and I get "What!! You need to have that baby in a hosptial! It's not safe!" Well yes it is and don't get me started since I'm very excited about it. I'd say I'm going to get the most static from my own mom. Sigh. But you know what, we all have to do what's best for us, no justification needed.
Laura
My mother-in-law can simply not fathom how we don't want a crib. It's becoming a huge thing to the point that A. used very vulgar language in an e-mail to her. Fun.
I think parents/family members need to worry about something. And if they can't find something worthwhile, they'll worry yours will be the first child to bring his or her parents into the dorm room at university.
A question, though. I'd always heard it was unsafe to sleep with a baby, for various nebulous reasons (rolling over and squishing them, suffocating in pillows, etc.) Since I'm sure you've looked into this fully, is that ever a danger?
Gail
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